Half Past Noon or Twelve Hours Right After Midnight and Thirty Minutes

I enjoy the ability to create.
To toss around ideas.
To indulge in the sweet taste of accomplishment and production.
It's great to be human.
Having the ability to feel so deeply and so passionately is such an amazing gift.
To have the feeling that happiness will never end, that there is a eternal ring of gladness and well being.
But also to discover that opposition and bitterness.
In fact I have decided that the sad part of life is the part that is the most important.
We have always heard that you have to experience sadness to know what happiness is like.
Not only do I think that this is very true and a very important observation but I believe something more.

I would want and wish and hope to think that this small insignificant bit of wording is actually something important, though I know it is not.

I would like to think that we can only experience the same amount of happiness as we have experienced sadness. Which means that the people who experienced the most sadness are the ones with the capability to enjoy the most happiness in fact they are the ones with the want and need to experience the most happiness. In the end, they are even the ones who deserve it. The more and more sadness we experience, the more and more happiness we can experience.

Thank you.

Love, Me.

I Love You.

"I love you because you know who you are, and you know who I am and you still love me." 

"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."

Just when you are worried that you are losing someone that means so much to you, you find new people. Maybe not even find but almost rediscover. You make new friends, gain new smiles, share new laughs, cry new tears, hug new hugs, and overall just love new people and it all works out. 

I love Easter, and I love my family... and I love my friends. 

Life Update: I SAW MY BROTHER CROSS THE STREET RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have never screamed, laughed and cried so hard all at once in my whole life... How does it just happen to happen that the Saturday before he goes to Japan we see him cross the street. The extra minute it took to start my car made the difference in seeing him. Crossing the street right in front of me, smiling, waving, looking so happy and perfect and adorable. I love him so much and I could not be more proud of him. The best part was the heart sign he made with his hands, it was such a special moment. I loved it.

I appreciate the passion in this picture. The emotion caught in this picture is the reason I love dance. It is the perfect way to convey everything. The other day I was dancing in my room and it just kind of relieves you. There are those times where you dance because you have class or you dance because you are choreographing or something like that, and dance is really fun then. But then there are the times when you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DANCE... and thats when it is best for you. Those are the moments I live for... and I've kind have a lot of those lately... and I am grateful for it.

=To End In Style=
I always save my favorite thoughts for last. Today my favorite thoughts are about spring, and beauty, and trees, and waterfalls. Long trails, winding paths, fences, trees, brick buildings, rocks, dirt. Have you ever thought about spider webs, their beauty and their grace. I appreciate spider webs, I like how they shine when the light from the sun hits them. I like how their designs are practically perfect. Have you ever thought about silence? How silence is awkward with some people, and perfect with someone else? How conversations can be had by only saying two words? How silent touches can change the world? Have you ever thought about hearts and how they thump when you are nervous... Have you ever thought about good nervous and bad nervous?
Sometimes I don't know how to describe some things, maybe because they are too perfect to describe. I hate trying to explain confusing things and I hate feeling confusing feelings. I hate wanting something so bad but being to nervous to just grab it and get it. I wish things were easier than they always are.

Dear World, I love you. You mean everything to me. Love, Me.

Try hard not to have regrets, they are the worst.

The End.

The Weeping Prince

"You can tell he is the bad guy because he smokes big fat cigars." - LK
"Just because you had something tragic happen to you doesn't mean you are a good public speaker." - ES
"I can buy it!!!! I have forty frikin dollars!" - JL
"Oh, I was expecting you to say something deep." - CM
"How do you get a severed limb when you are swimming?" - MJ

Sometimes moments happen and as soon as they occur you know that after that moment you will never be the same. There are a lot of life changing moments in a day, things that define you, shape you, create you,  but the events that make you sit back and think, My life will no longer be the same, are the truly mind blowing ones.

The other day someone told me they love how my mind works. What's that supposed to mean? How does my mind work. I mean I have noticed I am different from everybody else but... isn't everybody? I have always questioned how my mind works though. Sometimes I wonder why I over think and complicate everything. I also twist ideas and solutions like knots until they can't be untangled. I hardly forget anything and I am actually rather observant. Oh and here is a secret! Sometimes, when people tell me something they have already told me, I pretend they haven't told me before. I am not sure if that is for my benefit or for theirs but I usually remember what people tell me, especially when they are important to me.  And, my brain doesn't shut off. I am usually thinking of five things at once and I can tell you what you are saying to me even when I am thinking about something totally different. And if I have listened to a song once or twice, I have the majority of the lyrics memorized. I like my brain.

"If you love me, here's what I'll do...
I'll take care of you."

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 

Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO QUESTION MYSELF!" 

 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 

Thanks for listening.    

Why Wear Cute Clothes? We Are in Disneyland!!

 2 Years is a lot like 24 months, similar to 104 weeks, and a close to 730 days. As the number get larger you realize that 730 days reminds you of 17,520 hours... kind of like 1,051,200 minutes and/or 63,072,000 seconds. Who knows how many breathes that is? How many times a heart might beat, how many times tears will fall, smiles will be worn, rage will be shed, wishes will be cast, letters will be written, words will be said, feelings will be hurt. How many of those 63,072,000 seconds will be spent in happiness? Sadness? Anger? Fear? How many of those 1,051,200 minutes will be spent loving? Kissing? Sharing? Eating? Praying? Cleaning? Listening? How many of those 17,520 hours will be spent working? Serving? Playing? Learning? Teaching? Caring? Hoping? Missing? How many of those 730 days will be spent advancing? Changing? Traveling? Evolving? How many of those 24 months will be spent in different seasons? Moving? Growing? Pretending? Being Real? Those two years can change a lot about a person.

If I was forced to choose one picture to sum up my Disneyland experience... this would be it, hands down. 

 Michael Jackson + Dancing + Singing + Crazy Costumes + 80's + Interesting Characters + Pure amazingness
CAPTAIN EO

 Thank you God for giving me good people. I honestly don't know how to explain how profoundly grateful and lucky I am to be surrounded by the most choice individuals on this earth. Not only did I get to spend some really great time in Disneyland with girls that just let me join their group... but I am also grateful for all my amazing continuing friendships. I hope they all know how much I love them and I can't wait to continue meeting new people because it is the best thing in the world.

"Hold it in, hold it in!" 

 Just try to make me more happy then I am right now. I dare you! In fact I would make a bet on that because I know it's impossible. How did I get so happy, what did I do to deserve this happiness.

Smiling as I write this.

The End.

+Happiness, Hit Her -- Like A Train On A Track+

[Just in case you wanted some randomness today.] 

 “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles R. Swindoll 

I hate it when you {have} to do hard things. Especially when you really want to do that hard thing but something inside you makes you feel like you just can't. It's hard to not be able to just do what you want to because of *fear*. I dislike being pushed into things. But sometimes being pushed is what you need, even when you absolutely hate it.

 Happiness isn't always temporary. Because when you find things that make you happy, really happy, and you keep those things with you, and don't let those things fall away, you can always be happy. The trouble isn't keeping happiness it is keeping the things that make you happy.

  

love

 noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

noun

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for anotherperson.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.

a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.

(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

verb (used with object)

to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for(another person).

to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to lovemusic.

to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight

to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

verb (used without object)

to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Verb phrase

love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance shegets.

Idioms

for love,

a.

out of affection or liking; for pleasure.

b.

without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of thepoor for love.

for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For thelove of mercy, stop that noise.

in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: ayouth always in love.

in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (aperson, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with thegirl next door; in love with one's work.

Happy Valentines Day... 

Pretending So Hard Not to Easily Care

Sometimes I pretend not to remember things people tell me when they repeat them over again. 

Sometimes I like it when people use my name when they talk to me. 

Sometimes dancing full out is all you can do because half your effort just isn't enough. 

Sometimes getting texts from people I love makes my day improve by 100%. 

Sometimes I like being in charge even though it is stressful. 

Sometimes I wish that I was a more forward, frank, honest person rather than secretive and reserved. 

Sometimes the biggest difference in my life is made by complete strangers. 

"I appreciate the person who picked me up from school today with carrots, pretzels, fruit snacks, and Diet Dr Pepper for me to eat and drink, and then drove me to dance and then taught me things you can't learn in school and then congratulated me for working hard and giving things all I have got. The person that has always been there, even when all others seem to be walking away, the person who cares about what you have to say and isn't just pretending. The person that talks to you just for fun and texts you because they love you, not just because they need something from you. The person that knows when things are wrong even when I am denying them myself. The person who I consider to be my best friend, because they deserve the title. Thank you person, wherever you are." 

Through the years we had it all

Midnight whispers, the midday calls
This house of cards, it had to fall
And you ask for forgiveness
You’re asking too much
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can’t touch
Don’t believe when you tell me your love is real
Because you don’t know much about heaven boy
If you have to hurt to feel

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe
So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

 There are some feeling that are impossible to write or talk about. Writing and talking seems like such great forms of expressing one's self but, in reality, there are some things you just can't say and you just can't write. I tend to be full of these feelings, and that's why I dance. That is why writing and talking will never be enough for me, I love to write out what I am thinking and I love to say all I can say when I talk to people but I need dance to tell the things that need to be told but can't be told any other way. Even if no one listens and I am dancing on my own, I still get my point across to at least myself. When people do watch however, I don't just want them to get my message and hear my story, but I want them to listen to their own stories and I want to help them be brave enough to tell. Through dance, music, a laugh, a tear, a walk, a silence, a sport, a blink, a whistle, I wish everyone luck in finding their own way to tell their feelings, their stories. I can't express in words the feeling dance gives me, I'm not a perfect dancer and I am not even close to the best. I am not extremely flexible, I and not world renowned, but I don't need that stuff, all I need is dance itself, the feeling just dancing gives me is worth all those things combined.

I might love life, and my day today, just a little bit. 

Depths of Inspiration

Been up all night, staring at you, wondering what's on your mind. I've been this way with so many before but this feels like the first time. You are the sunrise to go back to bed, and I want to make you laugh. Mess up my bed with me, kick off the covers I'm waiting. Every word you say I think I should write down... I don't wanna forget come daylight.

I like the idea of being perfectly happy all of the time. But then again we always here that there is opposition in all things and if there wasn't opposition, then what ever the things you love is, here happiness, then the thing you love wouldn't be as obviously easy to love. So if there wasn't sadness, anger, hate, misery, anxiety, or other negative emotions, happiness wouldn't be as valuable in your life. I am happy most of the time and I try to make others happy but when it comes down to it if I wasn't sad every once in a while, technically, I would never be happy.

 I really appreciate people who actually care. I think I have talked about this before but in all honesty, this subject is really important to me. What is life without caring about something. And what is the point of doing anything in life if you don't care about what you are doing. For instance, what would be the point of me just aimlessly thinking and typing on this blog if I didn't actually care about what came out. I hope that everyone that does everything they do in their life, with a lot of care. When you do care about something, and that something is ruined in some way, still care, it's okay to be sad. Never say, "I don't care," just because something doesn't work out the way you would have wanted it to. Then all your care just goes to waste. Please care, it's important. 

I am one of the most extremely lucky people on this earth. It is crazy how true this is. I get every single thing I could ever need and everything that I could ever want as well. I am so grateful for everything I have and I am even more grateful for the people that have given me these things. With Thanksgiving coming up I have really been thinking about this and I marvel at all of the things I have. I will write more about this later... 

Hold me closer one more time, 
Say that you love me in your last goodbye, 
Please forgive me for my sins, 
Yes, I swam dirty waters, 
But you pushed me in, 
I've seen your face under every sky, 
Over every border and on every line, 
You know my heart more than I do, 
We were the greatest, me and you, 
But we had time against us, 
And miles between us, 
The heavens cried, 
I know I left you speechless, 
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue, 
And I see my future in you, 
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again, 
I put my hands up, 
I'll do everything different, 

A quick list to end the day:

I love the winter.
I can't wait to go snowboarding.
Family is coming this week and I am really happy about this :)
I am so excited to eat this Thanksgiving
Only 2 days of school this week!!! Holy Yay!
I want to do something really fun this weekend.
I like people.
I still wish I could read minds.
Really badly...
Today is Sunday
Today is happy.
The End.