Friday, October 11, 2013

Reblog: {This Had to Happen}

These are all from past posts that struck me as just happiness. 


Have you ever been thinking about someone and they wonder if maybe they are thinking about you at the same time. Maybe you waltzed across their mind as they hit yours. Maybe they are making wishes that involve you while you are dreaming stories about them. Maybe they are smiling at memories you've shared while you are giggling at precious moments that have past. Maybe they are thinking about you, maybe they are not. Maybe they are wondering if you are thinking about them while you are wondering if they are thinking about you. Maybe... just maybe.. its just a huge circle of thought that runs around and around and around.

{Tell me you didn't think of a specific someone when you read that and I will call you a liar.}

"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" - Everything is Illuminated

I have this profound belief in the fact that music makes everything better. Even if it doesn't completely heal or work profound miracles, it makes any situation overall better.

Decisions are the hardest things in life, when you are forced to choose something or if the right choice is insanely evident you don't even think about the action you are acting upon. But when two choices fairly present themselves, and you are not totally informed on the rating of either choice, you are caught in a whirlwind of complication. I hate decisions, especially when they involve feelings.

This definition of love makes me cry. Read it twice. 

love

 noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
noun
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for anotherperson.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
verb (used with object)
to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for(another person).
to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to lovemusic.
to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight
to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
verb (used without object)
to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance shegets.

for love,
a.
out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b.
without compensationgratuitously: He took care of thepoor for love.
for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For thelove of mercy, stop that noise.
in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: ayouth always in love.
in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (aperson, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with thegirl next door; in love with one's work.


Thursday, October 10, 2013

This Day in October


"This is what makes us girls

We all look for heaven and we put our love first
Somethin' that we'd die for, it's our curse
Don't cry about it, don't cry about it
This is what makes us girls
We don't stick together 'cause we put our love first
Don't cry about him, don't cry about him
It's all gonna happen."

- Lana 




Walking to class in the rain is just an amazing feeling. 
Sometimes I wonder why I love the rain so much. 
I think it is because it makes me feel more real, 
more human. 
The sun on the earth makes me feel like I am part of something bigger, but the rain on my face makes me feel like I am part of something pure and real. 
I just love the rain.

Today I am dressed a lot like a hippie, for the second day in a row. My favorite thing about college is that everyone you see is usually someone you don't know so it doesn't really matter what you look like everyday. That means that you can sleep in as late as possible and take the least amount of time to get ready. It really is a great arrangement. 

In the words of my Human geography Teacher: 
"Okay, that is all for today." 


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Finally, So Much Time With So Much To Do

Today is one of those days where I just need to organize everything and get on top of life before I go out of town tomorrow and I do have a lot to do, but sometimes real responsibility needs to be broken up with writing on my blog that I have taken no time to update lately, because naturally that is part of getting my life more together. And since I just got more than half of my to do list done, I am rewarding myself with this.
 Dropping off my siblings at their first day of school and saying goodbye was hard but at the same time really cool. I can't believe my little siblings are growing up so fast. I do miss them... but I have been home almost every weekend too so it hasn't been too hard to part!


Hey, I am in college now. I have been meaning to write about it because I am trying to document things but everything has been a mix of me being busy and crazy, to just plain too lazy to write.

But, I love college.

I love living in Salt Lake and living with my best friend in an actual college dorm. It really is the freshman, straight out of the house life. And it is grand. 
I love my classes, college will always be hard, and some learning can be a little lest flavorful that others but overall I love everything. I especially love my creative writing class, and I feel really grown up having class discussions about each others writing. 
I love how I found the perfect little place for my heart in a Jazz class here at the U. I love dancing and continuing dancing has been something that I have been a little worried about as I have been moving out and going to a university but I found the perfect thing for me! I also became part of a Jazz company that is so fun and a great opportunity for a freshman. 
I love my new job. I work with great people that are really friendly and I love being able to help customers and do well at my job. I also love the fact that I am earning money for myself and I am starting to become more and more independent as a person. That is something that is really important to me. 
I love the way I can randomly start a conversation with anyone from Rachel, the art major on the shuttle to class, to Bob the old man in a beaten up wheelchair on Trax that inspired me with stories about his life. I have loved meeting new people and I am always excited to meet more. 

But most of all, I love how I feel absolutely blessed all the time. It isn't the huge changes but the small ones that mean the most to me. The other day it rained when I was really sad and that immediately cheered me up. The first time I forgot my key to my dorm, one of my roommates turned the corner with her key right as I was getting frustrated at myself. The longest, hardest day at work after a long day of school and homework, and just life stress ended with a Trax ride where the cutest little baby waved and smiled at me and made me probably the happiest person on that Train. 

It really is the little things. 



On top of all of that wonderful stuff! Football has been amazing. I love football more and more with every game I go to! The Utes really do the student section right too. The energy in the stadium, even when you aren't one of the actual players is unreal! Going to football games, especially the ones where we win have been a huge highlight of my time here at the U. 


Off-Roads  By: Kristen Lohner 


From being young (only two) 
I have seen it grow from a garden. 
A small space 
of my mind, seeing the cheating. 
Seeing what happens to the aging truck 
when it rusts and stops abruptly. 

The ghosts, almost not there, start their twirling, whirling waltz abruptly, 
and dance from nine till two. 
I run out to dads old blue truck, 
while destroying my moms perfect garden. 
"I looked and she was cheating,
in the small add-on space."

I look to outer space, 
a star goes out abruptly. 
I asked aloud if, like them, it had been cheating. 
If the star had really had two, 
two in it's love, lust garden. 
I open the door to the truck. 

My mind off-roads and I break off the truck
tailgate and it flies into the dirt space. 
I uproot the fine trimmed garden. 
He found out so quickly, abruptly, 
that he was not your "one and only" but your two. 
But now you both were cheating 

me. He whispers, "I saw her cheating 
in this beat, blue truck,"
and sighed and carried on, "the two 
of those in the wrong kind of space."
"Stoping when they saw me, stopping abruptly."
Then he went in for the fight, they fought while I tried to mend the garden. 

I ponder while I garden. 
One day will I be cheating?
Will I make blood flow so abruptly?
I rake, and weed, and truck 
through my working space. 
While listening to the two. 

Gave up mending the garden, and drove off in my truck. 
They yell about the cheating, while I ponder the same (words echo in the space.)
I add speed abruptly, and race away from the two. 

{That was a poem I wrote for my creative writing class. Tune in later for my nonfiction pieces. They should be really interesting.}


I also wanted to put one of my first singing videos I have ever made on here. It is obviously really choppy and not great... plus I am not really outfitted to be filmed... but it turned out okay and I wanted to start putting that kind of stuff on here so here is:
"IGNORING YOU" 
Written and Sung (in my bedroom) by: Kristen Lohner 

video



Monday, August 5, 2013

Other Than The Obvious

I feel like one of my favorite things to just ponder on, ever since I was old enough to understand that one day I would be getting married to someone, is what MY future husband will be like. And because lately I have been feeling so old an sophisticated, getting ready for college, and taking the steps of moving out and being just that much more independent, the idea of marriage has passed my mind more and more frequently. No, I will not be getting married anytime soon but I do what to set a few things straight about what my husband NEEDS to be like. 

The first thing a lot of girls of my religious affiliation will put down as husband traits is that they 

1. Must be a member of the Church and worthy to hold the priesthood. 

and 

2. I must be married in the temple so I need a husband who is worthy and will take me there. 

and also

3. A returned missionary. 

I agree with these things and I find them a very important part of choosing a future partner for life. So yes, those are my one and two and three on the list. But, along with that ultimatum, I must add a 

3. My husband will not be perfect, think he is perfect, act like he is perfect and or above anyone else. 

Actually I think in all reality this aspect is what makes you a true member of the church and follower of Christ. My husband has just got to realize he is not above anyone but truly equal. Going with that, 

4. He has just got to love everyone and show it. 

I know that it is not a soul saving trait to be outgoing to everyone but for my husband, I will not be able to handle it if he is shy. There is of course the chance I will fall in love with someone who is more or less a hermit, so I might have to help him spread his wings. But my husband has to really show that he loves everyone around him, especially me! :) 

5. He has to understand me and my quirky ways, and just deal with it. 

Sometimes I have to just be completely random, or act a little bit attention seeking, or go roller blading really randomly, or have on and off phases of arts and crafts, cooking, or some random hobby. I am really random and I don't do too well with doing the same thing every single day or dedicating myself to one singular talent so he has to understand that. A bonus to this, though not a requirement, is that he joins in the fun and does random stuff with me. 

6. The "touchy feely" stuff that goes along with loving someone and being in a relationship has got to be on the down low. 

I do not want to be all over my husband all the time and I certainly don't want him all over me. There are actually quite a few things that girls love like: hugs from behind, holding hands and walking around everywhere, always touching in public, kissing every five seconds, boys pinching their sides(yes some girls like this they just say they don't BUT NOT ME!!)... and so on. No, just no. Not with me. I think affection is great but really, it needs to have its limits, especially when we are in public places together. 

7. Good with kids. 

I think that this gets on a lot of girls lists so its a little cliche but it is really so important. I hope that all guys out there understand that it is such a turn off for girls if you are mean to kids, or disregard them. But when guys do play with kids or even just say two words to them, you will have the girls drooling over you. So be honest about how you really treat kids but use that to your advantage. 

8. Be a lot like me. 

This kind of goes along with what I have already said but here is an explanation anyways. There is that saying that opposites attract but I really don't agree. I don't want to marry someone who is exactly like me by any means, but I really would love someone super similar. Like I said earlier, if he is like me and can join in on the fun with my randomness. Bonus points, major bonus points. 

9. He has to understand that sometimes I just need my alone time. 

Sometimes my alone times will last for a solid day, maybe while I am crafting, or organizing, or cooking. But I honestly like having time where it is just me, myself, and I. This means that I should probably marry someone who also likes to have their alone time so we can just say "Hey! It's our alone time! Don't bother each other for the next two hours unless there is an emergency!" Hahaha, sounds perfect. 

10. He has just gotta really love me. 

Since lists come in tens a lot of the time, this will be my last one for now even though I could probably go on. And this number ten is pretty important, in fact one of the most important, but also very self explanatory. 
 
If love does exist, that is what I gotta have. 

The End. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

>boats against the current<

20 Questions --> 20 Answers

I got these randomly off of Pinterest because I felt like writing but I needed to be prompted.

1. What sport (that you haven't tried) do you think you would be good at?
           Easy. Roller Derby. Well, as long as you count that as a sport which I totally do. Ever since I saw Whip It I thought to myself... HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO DO THAT!!! And because I have recently "re"taken up my love of roller blading the past week that is what is fresh in mind. Fish Nets and ratted hair here I come!

2. What was your 'high' for today?
           Because 1am was still technically "today" I would have to say that my meditation session in the early hours of the morning was my 'high'. It relaxed me a lot and helped relieve some stress. Also the random 15-20 minutes of my life where me and my sister were randomly tackling, slapping, laughing, and being totally ridiculous together was pretty fun as well.

3. What was you 'low' for today?
          I made a foot soak that was supposed to get dead skin off my feet and it didn't work (either that or I don't have dead skin on my feet) and it also had LISTERINE in it so it turned my feet blue for a couple minutes which made me feel kind of like an idiot. Definite low.

4. What kinds of things get you the angriest? Why?
          I think when people refuse to listen to my side of the story or my opinion. I mean, I am not forcing anyone to agree with me or to change their whole life because I feel like I am making some ground breaking discovery but I just wish people would listen more. Huh, maybe if I listened more people would listen to me. TO DO LIST: Gotta work on that.

5. Which is your color that best describes you or stands for your personality?
          Blue. It has all different shades and goes with almost anything. Plus it is my favorite color.

6. Do you have many friends?
          Well no. But the people that I have that support me, and surround me are the best I could ever have. Sometimes I feel like I know lots of people and I even "have many friends" but when it comes down too it. I only have a few true friends.

7. If you were to be reborn who would you want to be born as?
          I think I would still choose to be me, except I would choose to keep all my former knowledge so I would be ahead in life and not have to learn all the same lessons again. Be ahead of the game. But ya, I like myself, I would just want to be myself again.

8. Do you like to sing in the shower?
          Yes, obviously. I also enjoy sitting outside my brothers bathroom door and listening to his renditions of "Gold Digger" and sequence of old 80's music as he sings in the shower.

9. What's your favorite season?
          I like all of the different seasons. I always seem to be ready for them as they come along and I really like it that way. I am lucky to live in Utah where we really do get all the seasons too! I think that is super cool.

10. What sports do you like best?
          Dance, Basketball, Roller Blading, Swimming, Football.... lots of sports!

11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
          Because it gets watery and even if people do already like it when their cream is sour... no one likes it watery.

12. If you could tell your mother never to serve two vegetables again, which vegetables would you choose?
          Mushrooms and Tomatoes. Even though I am becoming more fond of tomatoes.

13. On a scale of 1-10 how strict do you think your parents are.
          Sometimes like a 3, other times like an 8. But luckily never a 1 and thank goodness never a ten.

14. What kinds of things on TV and in movies make you laugh?
          Hahahahahahahaha, uh... funny things.

15. What animal would you be? Why?
          A Sting Ray. Because they get to glide around the ocean and be wild and free and who doesn't want to do that? Also, they have a built in mechanism to sting things that are trying to hurt them so if anyone ever tried to hurt me. I COULD STING THEM!

16. What are the qualities that make a good friend?
          Love. Love is literally all you need, just like the Beatles said. If you have love, all of the other important aspects that build a good friendship come naturally because you always was to be there for someone you truly love.

17. What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
          I would try to go to as many really busy public places as I could and study people. I could follow people around, listen to conversations, watch mannerisms... It would be super fun because no one could see me, therefore no one would think I was creepy, but I could learn more about people and they was they act, especially when they THINK they are alone.

18. If you could change three things about yourself, what would they be?
          For starters I would make myself more thin, I know that I can do this without any magic or anything if I just eat right and exercise more but obviously I am trying to take the easy route, which I probably why I am so fat. I would also change the way I always try to fit in, I would instill more confidence that it is really okay to be myself around everyone and not feel like I have to put on a show. And lastly I would change the rate at which my hair grows, in fact I would change this in all humans. That way I could cut my hair super short and then grow it out over night without regretting my decision to have it chopped short for a day. Yep, that is all.

19. Are you afraid of airplanes?
          I will admit that I do have a little anxiety when I am flying. I always have a moment on every flight I've ever been on where I think to myself, "What if we really do crash and we all really do die?" And I do have a sweep over feeling of relief every time I do land safely. But I honestly don't get over anxious as to where I can't travel because of plane anxiety.

20. What do you do when you are sad?
          I like to be alone when I am sad. I know a lot of people like to help people who are sad and I know that people have tried to help me be happy if I'm sad but honestly, it is nice to be alone. I can just listen to music, read, write, draw, eat, drive, do whatever I need to and get the sadness out of my system and honestly it usually works pretty well. I try really hard not to wallow in self pity and I can get over sadness pretty quickly.

THE END.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Decorum^^Propriety

Sunday Dinner

Buzz, a noncommittal slumber 
yelling through the whole space.

Special time turned to chaos before the relax. 

This way or that, why do you even ask. 

Why 
do 

try? What should I try anyhow?

Same old, same old, same old. 
This and that or that and this. 
So and so of so and so. 
All extra guests in this new smell of organization. 
All extra guests, 
intruders that we let lull in the loom of our words. 
lull in the loom of what we say is right, or wrong. 

We sieve, slowly, snap and the sight, 
the sight of others doing our work, because that is a lack of order. 

We nag, nag, nag, nag, at the runners.
Runners running from the ritual. 
Whether is is washing, or tradition, they are running. 

All guests, 
All extra guests, 
All leave, or are sent out to dry. 

Then I dry. I dry without the we or the us or the extra guests.
I dry on my own, because I have run. 
I dry on my own, because I am now away. 

I like to dry, to feel thin after the damp of the dreary event. 

Another end. 
To something that never ends. 

Tradition. 


The Next Steps

I am moving on now, to my next part of life. The next chapter as the cliche would say. The next chapter of a book that will never end but will continue to flourish and advance and be the best book you will ever write. 
I am more of an adult now that I seemed even a few month ago when years told me I was an adult. Adulthood was not given to me by age but by accomplishment and certification and graduation and now independence. I want to be independent but it scares me. 
It scares me, but i am still taking the next steps. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

More Poetry in One Night

Again. A poem. By me. Slightly copying.

Two We's

Obvious ego can tear
What keeps being redone
A you and a me and a we're
Is what makes our friendship so fun.

Watching spread out bright screens
And sitting gently close
It's what our likeness means
As we twinkle with our toes

Missing some deeper like
The two gander away
Get lost on a two person bike
And find destination to stay

Simple as two can be
And complex as we are
Friends up in the same crazy tree
Gazing at the bright wishing star

Sunday, January 13, 2013

of mice and miscapitalization


This is a poem I wrote for my English Class. It is inspired by the poet I did my project on, E.E. Cummings. I am proud of it. Kind of really proud of it. 

water is like our love...by Kristen Lohner           

(insipired by the style of E.E. Cummings)

water is like our love 
i'll always thirst for more 
in bottle i will hove 
when lacking i'll find store
i've missed the gentle calm 
(that fills all that i am)

and when in love we sink
we'll broad our ivory flag 
(yet the blank taste we mock 
and heavy heart we bog)
nourishment stems a seed
essential supply need

the wetness of my tears
stale, salty like the sea
makes our love dry like burs 
(and takes the waves from me)
but in a cup i'll save 
us, (and the story of)

don't know if essential 
your affection not shown
sloshing the way i feel 
clueless sat on your throne 
moments that i will strain
and with new hope i'll clean

the please of the surface
(and funnel of the joy)
pouring slowly through us
we're naturally coy
inside protective coat
still on our love i'll float

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

But To Be Honest, I Feel It

 I love.
I doubt.
I miss.
I fear.
You. 
Hold your head up,
theres a light in the sky,
I know you're fed up,
but you must try to survive.
Each moments precious,
don't let life pass you by,
keep focused,
keep you eyes on the prize.

You know those moments? Those incredibly happy moments. The ones where you could try not to smile if you wanted, but you probably wouldn't succeed. Those moments are golden. And precious. Save them, write them down, remember them. Share them. Cherish them.