Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I've Tried to Hard to Try

Charlie and the Chocolate factory is a good movie, I haven't watched it lately and I haven't even been reminded of it recently that movie just randomly popped into my head. The newer version of this movie is not very good, and it slightly ruined my love of Johnny Depp so I dislike that version, I do however really like the old one, even though the most touching and message giving part of the movie is at the end, my favorite scene is the Candy Man scene. That song has a great ability to get on your nerves and get stuck it your head and I hope that the person who wrote it is regretting just a little bit that he wrote such an annoying song. However, the endless display of different types of candies in this scene has never ceased to amaze me. All the kids licking, chewing, sucking, and enjoying all that candy has always made me a bit mad because I was not one of the kids chosen to participate in all that delicious looking candy eating. I have always wanted to be in that scene. Or the other scene where they are in the Wonka factory and strolling through the land of candy, including the chocolate river. Well, I just got back to writing this and forgot where I was going with this, something about loving candy. Nevermind that. 

List, having another list obsession wave: 
  • Christmas is over, and I have to go back to school in 5 days, back to working everyday, back to normal life, I am going to miss this break more than any break I have ever had. 
  • I wish I could reset my life, back to it's old settings, even restarting all the way back in Kindergarten, not just because I loved Kindergarten, but because then I could stop myself from making all the random weird decisiosn myself has made. If that makes sense. 
  • I feel like I can't gather my thoughts, nothing will come together and be organized, it needs to come together and just be right. 
  • If it were up to me, we would all always be in constant communication with each other, and then things would be better. 
  • I would also be able to read minds. 

My mind is to crazy and unorganized to write right now, I need to solve someones problems for them, that usually helps me feel better. I like me. I miss my best friend. I am going to watch a movie so I can escape. BYE. 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Answer is the Square Root of 3, Obviously.

{Brace Yourself for a Long One}

This post is going to be lengthly for a variety of reasons, (one) I haven't written for a while, (two) theres is lots on my mind, (three) everything I have heard and thought since the last time I wrote has been significantly blog worthy. So enough of talking why it's going to be lengthy... here it is.
 --"Lately I have been more and more depressed about school work. Besides the fact that I have absolutely no motivation to do it, when I go into a class to take a test, I feel like I know nothing. I am ever so amazed by how much I don't know about a subject I am being tested on. I feel like I am losing my educational drive to finish anything and I just want to quit school and move to a far away fairytale land where everything is perfect and no one has to work. All in all, I have an over bearing amount of work to do and no motivation to do it." - Written Yesterday- Now, today, I have everything done, and life is so much better. Way less stress.
 I think I have discovered something. I think what people need to realize is that everything, everyone, every story, every idea, every feeling, every everything is deeper than it seems. We walk around thinking we know things and really, we know nothing. This is why we have arguments, cruelties, and much more problems in this world, because everything is deeper than it seems and we, as humans, are not mature enough to handle it. Sometimes I wonder, what are we all doing here. It almost like we are all just running around like chickens with our heads cut off in a chaotic world full of so many things that are horrible. We all just conform to what seems best for us. What gives us our ideas and our thoughts and feelings. sure we learn, but where did the learning and ideas all begin? Where to our new ideas stem from? Everything is deep. Hard to think about.
 I don't like it when people take traditional logos and try to make them look more new age. It's unfortunate, for example, to go to disneyland and only find crazy colored & sparkled new characters splatted on every t-shirt you see. I would prefer a classic white, maybe gray, shirt with the original character stamped on the front. I have also seen this in my favorite I {heart} NY shirts. There are now new colors, fancier styles, new logos, and more to confuse the shopper and brainwash them into getting something "cute" instead of a classic. If that;s what they want, that's fine I guess. But for me, I prefer the classics, the simple originals are always my first choice.
Can we go out for a walk, 
even though it's getting dark, 
we can stroll around the park, till daylight come. 

I can teach you how to fly, 
we can sing and laugh and cry, 
to nieve to figure out why, we're so in love. 

Now that things aren't confusing, 
and nobody is still using, 
it is you I am choosing, and it's okay. 

With you here... Today. 

 "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with friendship." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You HAVE a body." - C.S. Lewis

"Society is constantly pulled away from important things by the superficial." - Mrs. VanOrden

"What do you have to wake up for?"
 I think that one of my desires in life is to be different. I haven't decided yet whether that desire is bad or good. My current decision on the issue is that the desire to be different is in that gray area between a bad and good desire. For I believe that no one is bad enough to be making a good decision to change themselves to total difference, and no one is good enough to be making a bad decision to switch to the bad side.. if that made any sense. I think that if we all have some desire to change somethings, particularly the bad things... that is overall a pretty good desire. So does this mean that because I want to change completely that I am overall a bad person, trying to change to be good? Maybe, but to me that is very debatable. Maybe my desire is to make my seemingly bad traits good and my pretty fair traits even fairer. I think that overall my desire to change those things is a good desire.

 Simple Puddles 
I feel a need to trust in you
and follow everything you do
to follow you out to the shore
and continue asking for just one more
to love until all light fades
then cherish items in summer haze
but what if feeling was never there
we were only driven by nothing to share
then maybe simplicity is just better
we don't always have to be together
I don't just want to waste my time
trying to hard to make a climb
so patiently I'll sit and wait 
and hope you ask before it's to late
the truth lies flat and still cold
like dark iron strong and bold
through we still haven't found that iron thing
we can still teach each other how to sing
and even when words increase in length
I will stand with precious strength
how I've stressed to many points 
and spent every of the worried coins
to end so soon seems hardly fair
but the question is, why would we care?


I love family, and as painful as they might be I also enjoy traditions. Our fruit basket tradition for example is a really great one. As much as I dislike all the assembly, and delivery and stress of the whole process, the whole idea of hanging out fruit for Christmas is really cool.
When I am reincarnated as a talking car, I am going to live in Radiator Springs and be best friends with Mater and Lightning McQueen, and marry the Volkswagen that sells organic oil. That's all I have to say about that.
 Human {TOUCH} :
Have you ever noticed that there is this little thing called {touch} that we all crave for. From brushing hands, arms, or shoulders to holding hands, to sleeping or crying on a shoulder. From comparing hands with someone to feel their warms hands. A high five or fist bump, cuddling, punching, patting on the back, wiping a tear or eyelash off a cheek. We all want to touch other humans to bond and even learn more about each other. 
{inspired by E.C.P.


Anytime that I think deeper
Butterflies fill my stomach
Carry on with hopeless
Daydreams and be
For what will happen when dependence is
Gone. Sometimes
Isn't far away. We can choose to 
Jump like a confused
Kangaroo. Then discover for yourself, what
Life is really al about. 
Many things may crowd your life but
No one is important as you.
Open your heart to new ideas and
Quietly, what you must do. For
Real life isn't far away but 
Serenity is closer.
Time again comes to call. 
Underneath the bridge we will sit. 
Vent emotions in your own
Way and artificially play your 
Xylophone, for lack of words is all
You'll have. Take my life, acquire my 
Zeal and care for what you think. 
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
blossom in the trees you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

== Feeling Good - MUSE 

  • Christmas is in 5 days
  • I miss the simple younger days


Sunday, December 11, 2011

Ponder Yourself

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with his success unexpected in common hours."-Henry David Thoreau

I wish that this was me, I want to hold this many huge balloons at once, maybe even more... so I could fly away.

Lately all I have wanted to be is a Princess who lived in the fairytale world of dragons and princes and high towers, I wouldn't even mind being locked in a high tower for a while with a wicked witch climbing up my long gorgeous hair everyday if I eventually had a prince come and save me, as long as I had the long gorgeous hair and I eventually got the price charming of my dreams. It is time for fairytales to be real. I am ready.

 Do you ever feel like you are sitting in a chair a lot like this one and staring at a wall slightly like this? Do you feel like you are constantly searching for something more and you just can't seem to see anything but white? And you just can't seem to find anything of real importance in the wall before you but you are still inspired by the way it looks. I am not sure if I know what I am trying to get at here, but I like this picture.
 "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." 
- Bible: Ecclesiastes

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own."
-Benjamin Disraeli

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."

"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."
- Cicero

Sometimes I think about doing my homework, which is a step in the right direction, then I start to reason with myself and think of all the possibilities I have of maybe getting out of doing it. Then I think of what I want to do with my life, and how failing high school is not a good way to start my future with brightness... then I do my homework. And life stays nice. 
I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet
But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!
When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing gets better

Belting Adele like nothing else matters in life but the sound of your voice usually helps you feel a lot better about things. Singing so loud you feel like you are going to go deaf from your own sound waves is the best way to do it as well. There aren't very many artists that you can listen to their songs and feel like belting their songs is the best thing to do. I always feel like this with Adele, I sang through bother her albums twice today while doing homework and it was great. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I'm Flying Away to Nevereverland

I feel very happy in this moment
It happened, I went snowboarding. It was the best moment in my life, well maybe not the very best but it is now very high on my happy day list. I needed this day, I took the ACT this morning which was slightly uneventful and kinda boring but it was way better and went faster than I thought, and I think my essay was actually really good. Then, even though I only went for two hours... snowboarding was all I needed to help me feel perfect today. I am so happy, I can't even explain the good feeling that comes with this amazing feeling of perfectness. I literally felt like I was flying while riding the slopes today, it didn't matter that there wasn't very much snow or that it was pretty darn icy all that mattered is that I was there and I made it to my perfect little place up at Sundance and I got to do something that I absolutely love. {Quote}: If I died snowboarding, you could honestly tell everyone that I died happy. - Jeremy London
My gangster boy. 
So, when you are going snowboarding for the first time of the season... you have to pick the perfect person to go with you. Even though the choice was slightly forced at first I realized that I wouldn't have picked a better person to be with today. Justin is amazing, I told him today that I lucked out in the little brother department. Which couldn't be more true. When god put our family together I am almost sure he was thinking... "I am going to give Kristen the most perfect little brother who will always be there to love and snowboard with when life gets crazy." I am infinitely grateful that thought he had and I am glad he followed through. It hard to describe Justin sometimes, when you just want to ride the lift up the mountain in total silence and not feel burdened because your not saying anything or feel like you have to talk about random things, you want to ride the lift with him. We honestly had a ride up the whole mountain without saying anything but, "Second stop right," and "Ya." It was so perfect, I love him so much, I hope he knows it.

Justin is just a Boss Gangster in his spare time, yes, you should be jealous.  
These are our cool faces... I know. 
{A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.}
{A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.}
Mohandas Gandhi

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Sometimes I wish that people wouldn't constantly misinterpret peoples motives. I also wish people would stop trying to think they always know what's best for me. I acknowledge the fact that sometimes, they might know what would be the best decision for me to make and they think that they are just protecting me but I feel like I need to just decide things for myself, and overall... be myself and not what everyone else seems to want me to be. Maybe I will find that I am not a bad incomplete person when I am just myself I have just needed to let it out. 

{{{{{I feel like this post is slightly inconsistent with my normal removal of self I am when I write on this blog, but I don't really care I feel like it needed kind of a change.}}}}} 

To End: 

100 Things I am Grateful for this Holiday Season: {In no specific order, and notice things not people, they will not be included in this list... refer to my list a couple weeks ago.}

  1. My Soul, spirit, life, body and self. (K fine, but that's the only person.)
  2. Dance
  3. Snowboarding
  4. Music
  5. Psychology Class
  6. English Class
  7. T-shirts 
  8. Jeans
  9. Socks
  10. Sweatshirts
  11. Guitars
  12. Thoughts
  13. Diet Dr. Pepper
  14. Crunchwrap Supremes
  15. Sour Punch Straws
  16. Computers
  17. iPhones
  18. Showers and Tubs
  19. Television
  20. Radio
  21. Cars
  22. Heating
  23. Blankets
  24. Pencils
  25. Paper
  26. Crayons
  27. Pianos
  28. Shoes
  29. Hair
  30. Christmas Eve's
  31. Romantic Comedies
  32. Superheros
  33. Grocery Stores
  34. Houses
  35. Turkey
  36. Fruit
  37. Bread
  38. Scary Movies
  39. Sting Rays
  40. Board Games
  41. Blanket Octopuses
  42. Oceans
  43. Nature
  44. Secret Places
  45. Nights
  46. Boats
  47. Lakes
  48. Vacations
  49. Feelings
  50. Emotions
  51. Art
  52. Paint
  53. Earrings
  54. Necklaces
  55. Books
  56. Thoughts
  57. Toys
  58. Ideas
  59. Flowers
  60. ...another person type thing... Old People
  61. Balloons
  62. Opposition
  63. Challenge
  64. Goals
  65. Sparkles
  66. Costumes
  67. Sun
  68. Moon
  69. Stars
  70. Internet
  71. Laptops
  72. Clocks
  73. Whiteboards
  74. Thrift stores
  75. New York
  76. California
  77. Beaches
  78. Big Cities
  79. Higher Education
  80. Personal Heroes 
  81. Snow
  82. Rain
  83. Overcast Days
  84. Candles
  85. Keyboards
  86. Presents
  87. Being Childlike
  88. Pictures
  89. Cameras
  90. Scissors
  91. Crafts
  92. Colors
  93. Smells
  94. Eyes
  95. Ears
  96. Smiles
  97. Places
  98. Worlds
  99. Antiques
  100. And you know what, I am going to end with people, even though I said this was things, I am grateful for people, everyone that is around us and what they contribute to the world. I love everyone and I am grateful for everyone. EVERYONE. 
There are many more things, I could probably go on forever there are so many things that are in this world. These are just a few things that I pulled off the top of my head right now. 


Written by Kristen. Long post. 

Friday, December 9, 2011

10:27 and most is well...

I'm Checking

Sometimes, thoughts are confusing and tangled into a wild mess and you don't know how to put anything straight, at times like these you search for other thoughts and when you find those you depend on those thoughts to get you through the day. I credit most of these thoughts posted today to other people that I love and cherish. I love finding other thoughts because I believe that everyone has profoundly deep wisdom that they are just waiting to share with other people. You just have to reach out and talk to them and make them feel like their thoughts are worthwhile because they all are. 
Flowers from my secret sister on dance company, they are slightly wilted but still beautiful. 
"I wish I could just shed my skin, well, no, not my skin. I want to shed my thoughts and feelings. They're old and I'm tired of how they feel sitting in my head. I would just shed them and leave them to float away. Then I could find new things to put in my head and they would sit there until I got tired of them and shed all over again" - Elizabeth Caroline Peek 
My Jess made this out of shoelaces and I really quite enjoy it. 
"You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget."

"If you break little promises, you'll break big ones."

"Sometimes herons is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic."
I have always wanted a pet elephant so, upon seeing this picture, I smiled with great joy. 
"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" - Everything is Illuminated

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of al the lives I'm not living."

"Don't judge me until you know me, don't underestimate me until you challenge me and don't talk about me until you've talked to me..." - Anonymous

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going." - Practical Magic
This picture is totally cheesy, but sometimes I just like taking pictures of myself in my clean room wearing my Ferrari shirt. 
"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumbled, its can't be perfect..."

Have you ever watched somethings, read something, or heard somethings inspiring? Something that gives you this peaceful feeling, and you get chills that reach up your arms and you feel tears in your eyes waiting to silently push past that slight barrier and escape onto your cheek. You feel like you want to be a new person and change everything you have ever done wrong, and learn and love everything and everyone. You fill like suddenly life will not be fulfilled until you have accomplished all the new goals that just rushed into your brain when you were inspired by one little something. I have a love-hate relationship with this feeling, somedays I love being inspired and I love expressing inspiration but there are sometimes where I just don't want to feel I just want to be the functioning machine I am everyday and I resent the feeling of being inspired by new thoughts and ideas. Recently it been more of the second choice, I have mostly just wanted to function and not have to think or feel or anything. I have to actually try to motivate myself to be motivated to do things. Its getting hard.
I love my sister. She is the best sister anyone could ask for because she loves me and is nice to me no matter what. 
 I love my English teacher this year. I feel like everything she says is absolutely profound. She has such a love for knowledge and an excitement for life that I so admire her for. Hearing her talk about literature is so interesting, I am amazed at her passion for things that before this year I didn't have any deeper thought for. I like how she has started the year with not teaching us just how to write, but how to think and bee great thinkers. She always tells us that in order to be great writers, we have to be good thinkers, and that is what I love about her. I have never been more excited to attend any class in school that I have been to attend english this year. I love it.

“I would but run away. Run away, perhaps today. Perhaps today I will. I will run away.” - Unknown