Saturday, April 28, 2012

A Man Can't When He's Tol' To!

I hate nights when you hardly sleep at all. It takes forever for you to actually fall asleep because you are distracted by your thoughts and then you are constantly awakened by nightmares or you wake yourself up because you are so terrified of the images that taunt your mind. If this type of night was an end to a typical day, that would be one thing, but this night was an end to a long tiring and wildly crazy day. I dislike nights like that.

Last, I love Dance Company. More than anything in this world. It is great to have friends and the friends I have made this year dancing are the best ever. I have loved this year and I am so excited to make even more friends next year... The End.

Life is hard, try to live simply when you are young.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I Love You.

"I love you because you know who you are, and you know who I am and you still love me." 
"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."
Just when you are worried that you are losing someone that means so much to you, you find new people. Maybe not even find but almost rediscover. You make new friends, gain new smiles, share new laughs, cry new tears, hug new hugs, and overall just love new people and it all works out. 

I love Easter, and I love my family... and I love my friends. 
I have never screamed, laughed and cried so hard all at once in my whole life... How does it just happen to happen that the Saturday before he goes to Japan we see him cross the street. The extra minute it took to start my car made the difference in seeing him. Crossing the street right in front of me, smiling, waving, looking so happy and perfect and adorable. I love him so much and I could not be more proud of him. The best part was the heart sign he made with his hands, it was such a special moment. I loved it.
I appreciate the passion in this picture. The emotion caught in this picture is the reason I love dance. It is the perfect way to convey everything. The other day I was dancing in my room and it just kind of relieves you. There are those times where you dance because you have class or you dance because you are choreographing or something like that, and dance is really fun then. But then there are the times when you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DANCE... and thats when it is best for you. Those are the moments I live for... and I've kind have a lot of those lately... and I am grateful for it.
=To End In Style=
I always save my favorite thoughts for last. Today my favorite thoughts are about spring, and beauty, and trees, and waterfalls. Long trails, winding paths, fences, trees, brick buildings, rocks, dirt. Have you ever thought about spider webs, their beauty and their grace. I appreciate spider webs, I like how they shine when the light from the sun hits them. I like how their designs are practically perfect. Have you ever thought about silence? How silence is awkward with some people, and perfect with someone else? How conversations can be had by only saying two words? How silent touches can change the world? Have you ever thought about hearts and how they thump when you are nervous... Have you ever thought about good nervous and bad nervous?
Sometimes I don't know how to describe some things, maybe because they are too perfect to describe. I hate trying to explain confusing things and I hate feeling confusing feelings. I hate wanting something so bad but being to nervous to just grab it and get it. I wish things were easier than they always are.

Dear World, I love you. You mean everything to me. Love, Me.

Try hard not to have regrets, they are the worst.

The End.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

|Call Me When You Get This|

Have you ever desperately wanted something that you know is bad for you? I am not talking about chocolate or sweets that you want to eat but know you will regret later, I am talking about deeper things. More important things, life changing decisions that will effect the way you live forever. First you reject the idea of such a life changing decision, then you can't stop thinking about it, you think of different approaches, different outcomes, different consequences, how it will really effect you, how it will really effect others. Next, you start to reason with yourself. "What is this really going to do?""Who are my actions really going to impact?""Why is this decision so important anyway?" You question yourself, and shoot out any bad thoughts and only think of the good that will come of it. You think of all the wonderful, desirable things that will come of such a controversial choice. Then you pause and think, fine, I will do it. And that's when you start to learn.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential, is invisible to the eye."
     - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life."
     - Anonymous

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again."
     - Anonymous

"Love is friendship set on fire."
     - Jeremy Taylor


Mary Anderson: My newest Hero. 
Dear Mary Anderson,
       Thank you so much for giving us the great invention of windshield wipers. Even though my spring break was a little rainy I could still drive around town perfectly okay and safe because of your great contribution to society. I don't know if you have ever been properly thanked for this amazing idea of a windshield cleaner but if they have internet up in heaven I hope you are reading this because I am seriously so grateful for you. I am also grateful to anyone else up there with you who helped with the idea or advanced it along to greater functioning, so please, if you have some spare time, let them know how much they are appreciated as well. Thank you again, you are such a genius!
          Much Love,
                    Kristen Lohner

Friday, April 13, 2012

And That's When I Knew

Feelings I Hate:

  • jealousy 
  • regret
  • sorrow
  • sickness
  • sadness
  • indifference
  • anxiety
  • fear
  • discomfort
  • worry
Have you ever been in the middle of a terrible nightmare and then realized you were dreaming? Discovering you are dreaming seems like it would be a comforting feeling because then you might be less scared because you know that it isn't really real. No. When I am in the middle of a nightmare, terrified and tired and I realize that it is a dream I just feel worse. Then I try and try to wake up and I struggle with my body to get it to be alert but I just can't. I just feel trapped inside this non reality and I can't get out. It's like a prison and it terrifies me. Like I don't have control of my own body because I can't get it to wake up. 
I hate nightmares. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Weeping Prince

"You can tell he is the bad guy because he smokes big fat cigars." - LK
"Just because you had something tragic happen to you doesn't mean you are a good public speaker." - ES
"I can buy it!!!! I have forty frikin dollars!" - JL
"Oh, I was expecting you to say something deep." - CM
"How do you get a severed limb when you are swimming?" - MJ

Sometimes moments happen and as soon as they occur you know that after that moment you will never be the same. There are a lot of life changing moments in a day, things that define you, shape you, create you,  but the events that make you sit back and think, My life will no longer be the same, are the truly mind blowing ones.

The other day someone told me they love how my mind works. What's that supposed to mean? How does my mind work. I mean I have noticed I am different from everybody else but... isn't everybody? I have always questioned how my mind works though. Sometimes I wonder why I over think and complicate everything. I also twist ideas and solutions like knots until they can't be untangled. I hardly forget anything and I am actually rather observant. Oh and here is a secret! Sometimes, when people tell me something they have already told me, I pretend they haven't told me before. I am not sure if that is for my benefit or for theirs but I usually remember what people tell me, especially when they are important to me.  And, my brain doesn't shut off. I am usually thinking of five things at once and I can tell you what you are saying to me even when I am thinking about something totally different. And if I have listened to a song once or twice, I have the majority of the lyrics memorized. I like my brain.

"If you love me, here's what I'll do...
I'll take care of you."

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Love you... ;)

Why are you, you?

I am me because I enjoy being that way.

I am me because my mind and heart tell me to be that way.

I am me because I organize my room in my own creative fashion.

I am me because I love my younger siblings.
I am me because I enjoy dancing more than anything.
I am me because I complicate life and wish for simplicity.
I am me because I share my thoughts in my own ways.
I am me because I wear my own style of clothes.
I am me because I say the words I want to say.
I am me because my loved ones have shaped me to be this way.
I am me because I am creative and andventorous.
I am me because I am shy and worrisome.
I am me because I twist my hair when I am nervous.
I am me because I love to read books.
I am me because I like sunny days and snowy ones.
I am me because people facinate me and inspire my actions.
I am me because I learn from the best.
I am me because I bake pies.
I am me because I do what I think is right.
I am me because I share my thoughts through actions, not words.
I am me because I have amazing friends.
I am me because of a lot of things. And I really like being me.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 
Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.
 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 
Thanks for listening.