It's Been Said There Is Much Ado About Nothing

Recently, Lately, and Frequently I have been:

• thinking of songs that would play as a soundtrack for a movie about my life. 
• saying different reasons I am worth something.
• getting close to my real friends.
• eating food.
• encountering and experiencing special coincidences that create interesting stories.
• hearing that when you say things people do rational things about what you say.
• finding fun in receiving mail, even if its just from colleges. 
• creating words to write down and edit and rewrite down again more time.
• watching movies that make me want to change my life. 
• realizing just how hard it is to let go of stupidity and dumbness. 
• hoping for different things to change.
• stressing about life. 
• learning to cry. 
• and discovering deeper feelings of love, hate, remorse, regret, joy, happiness, and deeper feeling of feelings in general.

"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if is was the second or the third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." -- Cassandra Clare

"You are the best! You just made my whole day!"

"The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened." -- Oprah Winfrey

"Every Thing Dances."

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 

Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO QUESTION MYSELF!" 

 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 

Thanks for listening.    

Arthur the Author

{{What would I think of myself if I wrote a book?}}

          I was tempted to reach down and sweep the floor with my now wet hand. It seemed like the prompting was more of a command to clean but as I reached down and the dust stuck to my perspiration I felt more like I was collecting the memories that had been laying hidden in this forlorn room for all of the past awkward years. A trail of small but distinct footprints made a trail that led to the far end of the attic and curved back behind a large elegant trunk in the corner. I carved the small footprints out a little larger as I stuttered across the room with caution wanting to preserve the dust floor and the mysterious magic that filled the room. I wanted to call out to (insert girl name) but it just didn't seem right to make another noise when my feet were already disturbing her silence. 

          As my path came to a curve I saw (insert girl name)'s little red shoes on the floor. Then her full body came into view. She was wearing her favorite jean jumper, her eyes were open and staring, without a blink at the still ceiling. Her chest went up and down in slow breathes that seemed to be thought out. Seeing her breathe that way made me realize that I had stopped breathing and I gulped in the reserved air around me that had mixed with a little bit of dust, and then let out a labored sigh. 

          "Whadda you want?" (insert girl name) floated into the open air. 

          "How long are you going to keep this up?" I throw back "I mean, (insert girl name), you know mom didn't mean it don't you?"

          "Ya I know, just the anger talking right?"
          "Right." I fight hard to destroy any quiver in my speech, making my reply round like it is totally sure. Inside I am unsure myself if mothers words were thought out they way she presented them so carefully to (insert girl name) or if they were just thrown out like garbage on a a collecting day.
          "I just wanna be alone for a little bit."
          "Okay." I meander back down stairs not in much of a hurry because I was not successful in getting (insert girl name) to return with me. As I reentered the kitchen I hear my great aunt's questioning voice in full force. Stabbing my mom with questing that don't seen to have a good answer. The thing about Great Aunt is that she thrives off information. She already seems to know everything about everyone and she is always in a race trying to know more.
          "But who? Who did she take to the bar?"
          "I don't know {Candice}, I simply heard that she was with someone, he could have even invited her to the bar."
          "But who?" Great Aunt duplicated the question to herself now. Her face deviated from its original questioning look to a daydreamy look. Not a happy daydream, but a dismal, confusing daydream that had been torn from the caves of her memory and now was haunting her thoughts with even more habitual questions.
          "(insert boy name) honey, I need you to do the dishes now!"
          "Okay mom." I trotted over to the sink while I rolled up my sleeves in dismay. When mom was angry with someone it was best to avoid upsetting her, most people just avoid her altogether but I occasionally stick around for a show, or to do jobs for her in order to stay on her good side. I sat at the sink looking back through the small, window like hole in the wall to catch another glance at Great Aunt. I have found over the years that the more you study someone the more you notice about them.
           "Why do you give a care anyway?" Mother said to Great Aunt. Mother had moved over to the couch and picked up her stitching.
           "I don't, I don't." Great Aunt moved to the couch opposite my mother and began to read her novel. As I studied her I could tell she wasn't reading but still thinking, still questioning in her mind. I studied her worn face as I scrubbed the large pot she had just cooked in. The more I looked the more I wanted to know her thoughts. Wrinkles on her face seemed to straighten out in my repairing mind for just a few moments, her complexion went from a ash to a pearly white and for a moment I swear I saw her slip out a singular smile. As she looked up I was startled and shoved my eyes back down toward the sink. I spent the next couple seconds in silence washing over my favorite ocean green plate. Thinking about my dad who had given me the gift.
          "Where is (insert girl name)?" mother blurted blowing out my sweet silence, "I thought I told you to go get her!" Here comes the trouble
          "I did go," I say feeling a tingle run up my leg to my stomach, "she said that she just wanted to be alone for now." The same tingle was now traveling straight to my heart causing it to lub loudly.
          "Okay then," mother simply stated. Her answer, clam and collect surprises me. Instead of her subtle reaction calming me, it makes my insides scream louder. My whole body is tingling now every instinct is telling me to run, "Well, keep going!" I hear my mom say, but she sounds far off, I fell removed from the small kitchen but as I look down I am still right there, dirty dish in hand and I resume my chore.

{{Not great. But a Start. I need some good names.}}

Bottles in my Closet

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you




"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a women, I feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it's a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all -- look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel loved." 
--- Zooey Deschanel 


"In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn't be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going." 


"Sometimes you play a game, even when you know you are going to lose. Or sometimes you leave a game even when you know you can win."


"It's funny how sometimes the people we remember the least make the greatest impression on us." --- Benjamin Button 


"For what it's worth: it's never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this things. We can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." --- Benjamin Button


"Some people are born to sit by a river, some get struck by lightning, some have an ear for music, some are artists, some swim, some know buttons, some know Shakespeare, some are mothers and some people are dancers."
--- Benjamin Button 

Trashing Plagiarism

I was immediately swept away. Saying swept away is quite a cliche as is pointing out your cliches but, by any means, swept I was. Swept not this round by love or by interest itself but by mystery. This type of mystery that led me to deep interest and filled me with unspeakable love. You know that something is powerful when it has the ability to change you. When that something takes your body and soul and removes it from existence. I have spoken of passion before and I have specified my particular passion for dance, but things have changed. I no longer have just a passion for dance. I have an obsession,  an addiction, an infatuation, a fixation for dance. I am enslaved by dance and it's power. I have been completely taken over by it. I spent the best weekend of my life, hands down ever, at a dance convention.

I spent the weekend in a frenzy of hard work and extreme passion. In a place where my whole body quaked with pain until the music restarted and I began to move in time with it's notes. I could not be more happy or proud of myself after this weekend and I wish it had never ended.

There are no other words to try and explain the amazingness of what happened to me this weekend. All I can really say to sum things up is I am changed, moved, inspired, and now motivated for life.

All had been said. The End.

Oh How Great the Gatsby Is

It is late, in fact it is quite a number of hours past my bed time. However, I am inspired to write and so write I will.

I just finished a lengthy paper on why fat taxes are no good and all it did was make me want to eat hamburgers and fries, almost in defiance of the idea of taxes on delicious foods. I could preach to you more about why fat taxes are a total infringement on our rights and I could even tell you many other reasons fat taxes should be flushed down the toilet but the real reason I wanted to get on blogger and write is because I have been inspired.

Yes, I believe inspired is probably the best word.

Here is the thing, The Great Gatsby is amazing. I read it and I loved it, and about two hours (or more) ago  I finished the movie and while it was not even half as good as the book because of the books great detail, I quite enjoyed it too. Just like I could tell you more about fat taxes I could also expound on the amazing symbolism that Fitzgerald uses in The Great Gatsby, but that is also another topic that I am not willing to squander on.

No, I have not been inspired by The Great Gatsby really more about the idea that goes along with it.

Again, here is the thing, my English teacher is, among other things, inspiring. Every book we have read in English this year with the small exception of Huckleberry Finn I have been completely drawn into. I have literally immersed myself with finding hidden meanings and reading words that I have now learned were chosen with a specific purpose in mind. I am completely boggled by the idea that an author can sit and think about almost every word that they put into their writing because they know that they must pick just the right word or the interpretations of the story will be completely thrown.

I could sit here for days and list examples and explain examples of this phenomenon, and I could do it with examples from just one book. But more importantly I want to challenge people to read more and find more meaning and suck the richness from books. I want to yell to the world, "WHY AREN'T YOU ALL READING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT IS SO WORTH IT!!!!"

I want others to be inspired as I have.

I could say more, but as you have seen, there are a lot of things I could say that I have chosen not to.

Ponder those.

Love.

+Happiness, Hit Her -- Like A Train On A Track+

[Just in case you wanted some randomness today.] 

 “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - Charles R. Swindoll 

I hate it when you {have} to do hard things. Especially when you really want to do that hard thing but something inside you makes you feel like you just can't. It's hard to not be able to just do what you want to because of *fear*. I dislike being pushed into things. But sometimes being pushed is what you need, even when you absolutely hate it.

 Happiness isn't always temporary. Because when you find things that make you happy, really happy, and you keep those things with you, and don't let those things fall away, you can always be happy. The trouble isn't keeping happiness it is keeping the things that make you happy.

  

love

 noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

noun

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for anotherperson.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.

a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.

(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

verb (used with object)

to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for(another person).

to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to lovemusic.

to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight

to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

verb (used without object)

to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Verb phrase

love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance shegets.

Idioms

for love,

a.

out of affection or liking; for pleasure.

b.

without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of thepoor for love.

for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For thelove of mercy, stop that noise.

in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: ayouth always in love.

in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (aperson, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with thegirl next door; in love with one's work.

Happy Valentines Day... 

"Humans are born with drives; We all have the drives to eat, to sleep, to connect. People want to understand and be understood. You shouldn't understand everything, not everything should make sense, or you lose that drive."
- Stephen Van Orden

I'm Checking

Sometimes, thoughts are confusing and tangled into a wild mess and you don't know how to put anything straight, at times like these you search for other thoughts and when you find those you depend on those thoughts to get you through the day. I credit most of these thoughts posted today to other people that I love and cherish. I love finding other thoughts because I believe that everyone has profoundly deep wisdom that they are just waiting to share with other people. You just have to reach out and talk to them and make them feel like their thoughts are worthwhile because they all are. 

Flowers from my secret sister on dance company, they are slightly wilted but still beautiful. 

"I wish I could just shed my skin, well, no, not my skin. I want to shed my thoughts and feelings. They're old and I'm tired of how they feel sitting in my head. I would just shed them and leave them to float away. Then I could find new things to put in my head and they would sit there until I got tired of them and shed all over again" - Elizabeth Caroline Peek 

My Jess made this out of shoelaces and I really quite enjoy it. 

"You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget."

"If you break little promises, you'll break big ones."

"Sometimes herons is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic."

I have always wanted a pet elephant so, upon seeing this picture, I smiled with great joy. 

"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" - Everything is Illuminated

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of al the lives I'm not living."

"Don't judge me until you know me, don't underestimate me until you challenge me and don't talk about me until you've talked to me..." - Anonymous

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going." - Practical Magic

This picture is totally cheesy, but sometimes I just like taking pictures of myself in my clean room wearing my Ferrari shirt. 

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumbled, its can't be perfect..."

Have you ever watched somethings, read something, or heard somethings inspiring? Something that gives you this peaceful feeling, and you get chills that reach up your arms and you feel tears in your eyes waiting to silently push past that slight barrier and escape onto your cheek. You feel like you want to be a new person and change everything you have ever done wrong, and learn and love everything and everyone. You fill like suddenly life will not be fulfilled until you have accomplished all the new goals that just rushed into your brain when you were inspired by one little something. I have a love-hate relationship with this feeling, somedays I love being inspired and I love expressing inspiration but there are sometimes where I just don't want to feel I just want to be the functioning machine I am everyday and I resent the feeling of being inspired by new thoughts and ideas. Recently it been more of the second choice, I have mostly just wanted to function and not have to think or feel or anything. I have to actually try to motivate myself to be motivated to do things. Its getting hard.

I love my sister. She is the best sister anyone could ask for because she loves me and is nice to me no matter what. 

 I love my English teacher this year. I feel like everything she says is absolutely profound. She has such a love for knowledge and an excitement for life that I so admire her for. Hearing her talk about literature is so interesting, I am amazed at her passion for things that before this year I didn't have any deeper thought for. I like how she has started the year with not teaching us just how to write, but how to think and bee great thinkers. She always tells us that in order to be great writers, we have to be good thinkers, and that is what I love about her. I have never been more excited to attend any class in school that I have been to attend english this year. I love it.

“I would but run away. Run away, perhaps today. Perhaps today I will. I will run away.” - Unknown

50th Post

It's not easy to be inspired when you are not willing to listen to other people. I am tired of people that are unkind enough to not acknowledge the pure amazingness that everyone in this world has to offer. One of my goals in life is to try to get to really know the people I come in contact with. It is so much fun to really get to know things about people but at the same time, the idea that society has given you about how people should or shouldn't be is hard to get past. In fact, no matter how many times anyone tells you not to judge a book by its cover, whenever you meet a new person you automatically judge them and begin to decide how you feel about them just by seeing them and hearing the few "Hello, what's your name?" words they say upon meeting you. As sad as this seems it is true for almost everyone. So instead of deciding to make the goal of not immediately judging people, make the goal to get past that first impression, get to know a person better before making any final decisions. That overall is a lot more manageable goal, and even though it can be hard, overall, it is really fun to get to know people and learn more about everything through what they have to teach you.

"There are more people who wish to be loved, than there are people who are willing to love."

-Nicolas de Chamfort

"Difficulties mastered, are opportunities won."

-Winston Churchill

"He stumbled into faith and thought, god this is all there is? The pictures in his mind arose, and began to breathe. And all the gods and all the worlds began colliding on backdrop of blue. Blue Lips, Blue veins. He took a step but then felt tired, he said I'll rest a little while. But when he tried to walk again, he wasn't a child. And all the people hurried past, real fast, and no one ever smiled. Blue Lips, Blue veins, Blue the color of our planet from far far away. " - Regina Spektor

I have been thinking about what would happen if I was granted 3 wishes, and I had to obey the traditional genie rules, like no wishing for more wishes, and no wishing for anyone to fall in love with you, and no wishing for people to come back from the dead. What would I wish for? I really don't know how I would decide what to wish for, I have almost everything I want. I would probably wish for really base material things knowing me. Like I might wish to skip the rest of my High School Life, I might wish that I could move to New York and have enough money and skill to make it into NYU and learn all that I could possibly learn. Then, when thinking about my last wish, I thought, I could just immediately wish to become a famous choreographer and have everyone love my choreography... but then I thought, that would be pointless because, if I just wished for that to happen, then it wouldn't really be worth it because everyone who loved my choreography would just be under a genie spell and not really love my choreography and that would be worthless... So I rethought that wish and decided that I would wish for the chance to be noticed, seen, and given a chance to let everyone see me, then they could all decide if they loved me. These wishes may seem worthless to some... but to me, I would love these things. What would your three wishes be?

{MY TOP TEN SONGS FOR THIS PAST WEEK}

1. My Number - Tegan and Sara
2. Mr. Rager - Kid Cudi
3. Who'd Have Known - Lily Allen
4. Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine
5. Paradise - Coldplay
6. Cinema (Skrillex Remix) - Benny Benassi
7. Take It All - Adele
8. Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People
9. How to Love - Lil Wayne
10. Lights - Ellie Goulding

"Love is not speeding up to a stop sign like I used to think. No it's, when you don't want to miss one butterfly so you don't blink. It's been seven month's now since I've taken that flight, and I'll be okay when it's finally okay for me to kiss you goodnight. And I'll say, will you be the soundtrack to my life, there's no bells, no whistles just you by my side, ya and that's all that I'll ever need, I found a new heaven, and that's where I'll dream." - Preston Pugmire

"We argue to have a better understanding of issues." - My English Teacher

Live like nothing else matters but living,

BYE.