Just When I Thought I Was A Wizard

"No matter how much you try to hide it, I know you are thinking about me. I know it's hard for you like it's hard for me but why don't we just except it and move on." -- Anonymous 

My Grateful List

Friends

Dance Company

Cars

Sun

Cell Phones

Fruit

Trees

Love

Passion

Dance

Secrets

Speech

Bodies

Ideas

Music

Art

Family

Writing

Balloons

Sugar

Beds

Blankets

Lips

Noses

Teeth 

Eyes

Arms

Legs

Feet

Hands

Ears 

There is obviously more but that's kinda just what I have today... 

 "Fella gets use' to a place, it's hard to go," said Casy. "Fella gets use' to a way of thinkin' it's hard to leave." 

 So I got my blood drawn today and let me just lay it out frankly, It was scary. It hurt a little and the whole time the needle was in my arm I was stressing a little bit. In the end it was fine, I was most worried about getting fait and passing out and that didn't happen so it was okay. While I was getting "interviewed" in the back room the nurse made and interesting comment to me. She said, "It's strange to me how people don't spend the time getting to know people when people are so fascinating." First of all, I love that word fascinating because it seems like a very good word to describe my feelings toward people. Second, I bonded with that nurse at that moment. I was saying it out loud before I could think it when I blurted, "I KNOW! I AGREE! People are so amazing!" My comment must have been a little loud because the room got pretty quite and she let out a little giggle like she was surprised at my enthusiastic response. Even though that conversation didn't go on much longer I felt a special connection with this nurse who I had never seen or talked to before and I probably will never see or talk to again. But I am glad she appreciates people, I kind of wish more people appreciated people.

--No more talk of darkness,
--Forget these wide-eyed fears
--I'm here, nothing can harm you
--my words will warm and calm you
--Let me be your freedom,
--let daylight dry your tears.
--I'm here with you, beside you,
--to guard you and to guide you...
--Say you love me every waking moment,
--turn my head with talk of summertime...
--Say you need me with you now and always...
--Promise me that all you say is true
--that's all I ask of you
--Let me be your shelter
--let me be your light
--You're safe, No one will find you
--your fears are far behind you...
--All I want is freedom,
--a world with no more night
--and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me...
--Then say you'll share with me
--one love, one lifetime
--let me lead you from your solitude
--Say you need me with you here, beside you...
--anywhere you go, let me go too
--Christine, that's all I ask of you...

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 

Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO QUESTION MYSELF!" 

 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 

Thanks for listening.    

Why Wear Cute Clothes? We Are in Disneyland!!

 2 Years is a lot like 24 months, similar to 104 weeks, and a close to 730 days. As the number get larger you realize that 730 days reminds you of 17,520 hours... kind of like 1,051,200 minutes and/or 63,072,000 seconds. Who knows how many breathes that is? How many times a heart might beat, how many times tears will fall, smiles will be worn, rage will be shed, wishes will be cast, letters will be written, words will be said, feelings will be hurt. How many of those 63,072,000 seconds will be spent in happiness? Sadness? Anger? Fear? How many of those 1,051,200 minutes will be spent loving? Kissing? Sharing? Eating? Praying? Cleaning? Listening? How many of those 17,520 hours will be spent working? Serving? Playing? Learning? Teaching? Caring? Hoping? Missing? How many of those 730 days will be spent advancing? Changing? Traveling? Evolving? How many of those 24 months will be spent in different seasons? Moving? Growing? Pretending? Being Real? Those two years can change a lot about a person.

If I was forced to choose one picture to sum up my Disneyland experience... this would be it, hands down. 

 Michael Jackson + Dancing + Singing + Crazy Costumes + 80's + Interesting Characters + Pure amazingness
CAPTAIN EO

 Thank you God for giving me good people. I honestly don't know how to explain how profoundly grateful and lucky I am to be surrounded by the most choice individuals on this earth. Not only did I get to spend some really great time in Disneyland with girls that just let me join their group... but I am also grateful for all my amazing continuing friendships. I hope they all know how much I love them and I can't wait to continue meeting new people because it is the best thing in the world.

"Hold it in, hold it in!" 

 Just try to make me more happy then I am right now. I dare you! In fact I would make a bet on that because I know it's impossible. How did I get so happy, what did I do to deserve this happiness.

Smiling as I write this.

The End.