The Weeping Prince

"You can tell he is the bad guy because he smokes big fat cigars." - LK
"Just because you had something tragic happen to you doesn't mean you are a good public speaker." - ES
"I can buy it!!!! I have forty frikin dollars!" - JL
"Oh, I was expecting you to say something deep." - CM
"How do you get a severed limb when you are swimming?" - MJ

Sometimes moments happen and as soon as they occur you know that after that moment you will never be the same. There are a lot of life changing moments in a day, things that define you, shape you, create you,  but the events that make you sit back and think, My life will no longer be the same, are the truly mind blowing ones.

The other day someone told me they love how my mind works. What's that supposed to mean? How does my mind work. I mean I have noticed I am different from everybody else but... isn't everybody? I have always questioned how my mind works though. Sometimes I wonder why I over think and complicate everything. I also twist ideas and solutions like knots until they can't be untangled. I hardly forget anything and I am actually rather observant. Oh and here is a secret! Sometimes, when people tell me something they have already told me, I pretend they haven't told me before. I am not sure if that is for my benefit or for theirs but I usually remember what people tell me, especially when they are important to me.  And, my brain doesn't shut off. I am usually thinking of five things at once and I can tell you what you are saying to me even when I am thinking about something totally different. And if I have listened to a song once or twice, I have the majority of the lyrics memorized. I like my brain.

"If you love me, here's what I'll do...
I'll take care of you."

Oh How Great the Gatsby Is

It is late, in fact it is quite a number of hours past my bed time. However, I am inspired to write and so write I will.

I just finished a lengthy paper on why fat taxes are no good and all it did was make me want to eat hamburgers and fries, almost in defiance of the idea of taxes on delicious foods. I could preach to you more about why fat taxes are a total infringement on our rights and I could even tell you many other reasons fat taxes should be flushed down the toilet but the real reason I wanted to get on blogger and write is because I have been inspired.

Yes, I believe inspired is probably the best word.

Here is the thing, The Great Gatsby is amazing. I read it and I loved it, and about two hours (or more) ago  I finished the movie and while it was not even half as good as the book because of the books great detail, I quite enjoyed it too. Just like I could tell you more about fat taxes I could also expound on the amazing symbolism that Fitzgerald uses in The Great Gatsby, but that is also another topic that I am not willing to squander on.

No, I have not been inspired by The Great Gatsby really more about the idea that goes along with it.

Again, here is the thing, my English teacher is, among other things, inspiring. Every book we have read in English this year with the small exception of Huckleberry Finn I have been completely drawn into. I have literally immersed myself with finding hidden meanings and reading words that I have now learned were chosen with a specific purpose in mind. I am completely boggled by the idea that an author can sit and think about almost every word that they put into their writing because they know that they must pick just the right word or the interpretations of the story will be completely thrown.

I could sit here for days and list examples and explain examples of this phenomenon, and I could do it with examples from just one book. But more importantly I want to challenge people to read more and find more meaning and suck the richness from books. I want to yell to the world, "WHY AREN'T YOU ALL READING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT IS SO WORTH IT!!!!"

I want others to be inspired as I have.

I could say more, but as you have seen, there are a lot of things I could say that I have chosen not to.

Ponder those.

Love.

Pretending So Hard Not to Easily Care

Sometimes I pretend not to remember things people tell me when they repeat them over again. 

Sometimes I like it when people use my name when they talk to me. 

Sometimes dancing full out is all you can do because half your effort just isn't enough. 

Sometimes getting texts from people I love makes my day improve by 100%. 

Sometimes I like being in charge even though it is stressful. 

Sometimes I wish that I was a more forward, frank, honest person rather than secretive and reserved. 

Sometimes the biggest difference in my life is made by complete strangers. 

"I appreciate the person who picked me up from school today with carrots, pretzels, fruit snacks, and Diet Dr Pepper for me to eat and drink, and then drove me to dance and then taught me things you can't learn in school and then congratulated me for working hard and giving things all I have got. The person that has always been there, even when all others seem to be walking away, the person who cares about what you have to say and isn't just pretending. The person that talks to you just for fun and texts you because they love you, not just because they need something from you. The person that knows when things are wrong even when I am denying them myself. The person who I consider to be my best friend, because they deserve the title. Thank you person, wherever you are." 

Through the years we had it all

Midnight whispers, the midday calls
This house of cards, it had to fall
And you ask for forgiveness
You’re asking too much
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can’t touch
Don’t believe when you tell me your love is real
Because you don’t know much about heaven boy
If you have to hurt to feel

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe
So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

 There are some feeling that are impossible to write or talk about. Writing and talking seems like such great forms of expressing one's self but, in reality, there are some things you just can't say and you just can't write. I tend to be full of these feelings, and that's why I dance. That is why writing and talking will never be enough for me, I love to write out what I am thinking and I love to say all I can say when I talk to people but I need dance to tell the things that need to be told but can't be told any other way. Even if no one listens and I am dancing on my own, I still get my point across to at least myself. When people do watch however, I don't just want them to get my message and hear my story, but I want them to listen to their own stories and I want to help them be brave enough to tell. Through dance, music, a laugh, a tear, a walk, a silence, a sport, a blink, a whistle, I wish everyone luck in finding their own way to tell their feelings, their stories. I can't express in words the feeling dance gives me, I'm not a perfect dancer and I am not even close to the best. I am not extremely flexible, I and not world renowned, but I don't need that stuff, all I need is dance itself, the feeling just dancing gives me is worth all those things combined.

I might love life, and my day today, just a little bit. 

+ Never Mind the Weather +

Showers pounding out a new beat
I trade my old shoes for new feet
I grab a new seat I don't like the one I got
The fabric's wearing through
And it's wearing me out
You're wearing me down
Watching old baseball games
And low budget telethons
Ain't like watching you yourself
When you yourself is on
Got time to wander to waste and to whine
But when it comes to you
It seems like I just can't find the time
So watch your head and then watch the ground
It's a silly time to learn to swim
When you start to drown
It's a silly time to learn to swim
On the way down
If I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from drowning
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay
Closed down the last local zoo
I'm gonna win the endless war
Over who kills the last koala bear
And who in death will love him more and I
He grabs me by the hand
Drags me to the shore and says
Maybe you don't love me
But you'll grow to love me even more
And I well I'm not surprised

Today was a marvelous day, I really honestly cannot even tell you exactly why but it was truly amazing.

1. I woke up this morning and I was a little bit tired but I could actually get up and get ready without falling asleep again.

2. I wore my Dole Hawaii shirt to school... I love T-shirt days.

3. The homework that I forgot about yesterday for History ended up not being due today because we are doing our mock trial next class.

4. I got really good grades on both of my physiology projects plus accidental extra credit, Thank You Mrs. Abbott for that one.

5. I had a really good talk with my friend Cherissa in English and we got our work done really quickly and did a good job on it.

6. I had a simple, relaxed dance company day and I got to praise one of my dancing heroes on some of her choreography from last year.

7. I had an early out from school which is always good.

8. I drove my brother to band practice and we had a nice drive and talk. I just love him so much.

9. I took the most amazing nap I have ever taken, in fact people should be jealous of my nap.

10. I went to dance and had a new teacher for the first time, I really liked her and she really liked me. She said I was super cute and she even changed some parts of the dance when I truly accidentally gave her "really cute" ideas.

11. My mom made pasta salad for dinner, yummm. I love it when my mom makes my favorite things.

12. I went to the movie Footloose with 4 of my favorite people (my siblings and my aunt). The movie was so good: funny, good message, and... dancing.

13. I had a phone call with my best friend, Jess. I love it when we say random little things to each other that, one, wouldn't make sense to anyone but us, and two, are just insanely happy to talk to each other.

14. I now get to peacefully type on my blog and listen to the mumblings and little conversations going on in my family.

15. Then I get to go right to sleep because, to top of my wonderful day... I have no homework. :) that deserved and emoticon.

"Someday, everything will make sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."

"Well-behaved women, seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"Good feelings don't always come in the dame envelope as the right answer." - Robin Jones Gunn

"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

I really enjoy frozen treats: snow cones, popsicles, ice cream... I even love just plain ice, well especially pebble ice, but I try not to discriminate.

For the past little while I have been thinking a lot about what things are most important to me. I still haven't decided what those things are but as I have been thinking about it I have been trying to think of what makes something important. Is it how something makes you feel, and whatever makes you feel the best is the most important? Or is it what has the biggest impact on you? There are obviously lots of other ideas that could qualify something as important but, I have been thinking about these two significantly. Dance is something that I really like and it is something that has a very large impact on all aspects of my life. So is it important? Wouldn't it be sad if something or someone that had a very large impact on you was something that you didn't like? And what if that were true? Would that something still be important to you? Even if you didn't like it? Even if you absolutely hated it? I will have to think about this one a little more.

Well it's about ten minutes to eleven and though I don't have any homework to run off and go do, I do want to sleep some more because I need it... Plus I want to listen to my new favorite song a couple hundred times before I actually fall asleep. Goodnight.

Saved for a Later Date

Today was a pretty good okay day, I decided that church really isn't that hard to sit through. I also realized that I love inside jokes that make you smile so big and laugh so hard you want to cry. I also decided that recently, life couldn't get much better, I am at peace, even with the homework I am always doing. And last but not least, I decided that I need to be a more relaxed person. That's the end of decisions for now.

"Cough wheeze, hark, swallow, wheeze wheeze, sneeze cough hark, spit... Excuse Me"

Falling in Love, is such an easy thing to do...

birds can do it, bees can do it, we can do it, lets get to it...

Let's fall in love.

Only Because I Love Lists:

• Cheer
• Shout
• Paint
• Food
• Cookies
• Hands
• Shirts
• Worry
• Friends
• School
• Party
• Surprisingly, nothing more to add to this list.

Jack Sparrow.... that's all I have to day. Well I guess I should also say... "BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!?!?!" Now that's all...

People say I make strange choices, but they're not strange for me. My sickness is that I'm fascinated by human behavior, by what's underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people. - Johnny Depp

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a game and love is a riddle I don't know where to go can't do it alone I've tried, and I don't know why....

Fantastic Mr. Fox:

I will admit that when I first saw commercials for this movie way back when it came out I was blown away by thoughts of wow this movie is probably really stupid. So I avoided the many chances I had to watch it until I was with my friend the other day and she said, Hey we are going to watch Fantastic Mr. Fox, wanna watch with us, I was inclined to say yes even though I immediately thought, oh dear here we go. I was very glad I said yes however because I found that though the movie has little point and it is totally random and scatter brained, I found it rather hilarious. Maybe it was just because I was in a happy mood or maybe it was because I was feeling rather like an easily amused child that day. All in all, fantastic Mr. Fox is a winner.

I might just really like different fonts today....

Also yesterday: I went to the Timpview vs. Salem Hills state volley ball game. After and intense battle consisting of Salem winning the first two matches, we taking the second two matches, and the final intense game where we pulled through and won out of the neck to neck battle, I was so happy I could barely stand it, nothing could have made me happier in that moment. I really enjoy watching volleyball, I am sad that I am just realizing this, but it's true.

Bottle It Up

"TIME YOU ENJOY WASTING, IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME."

"There'll be girls across the nation that will eat this up, babe I know that it's your soul but could you bottle it up? And get down to the heart of it, no, it's my heart, your straight out of your luck, don't make me tell you again... My love love love love love... love love love love love..."

There are still people trying way to hard to be themselves, I am included in this group...

My dog is sitting next to me making rhymes in her head... okay I made that second part up.

Pretty sure this past weekend was a great weekend, even though there was drama and anger underneath it all there was absolute love for everything that happened. I am so happy at this moment in my life that I can't even depict the feelings.

I like it when I am successful, in all aspects of life. Especially school because even though it doesn't seem like it now I know that it will all be worth it in the end. At the same time, I want to be successful in short terms things, even if those things aren't going to last forever, I still want to strive to love them and cherish them. Don't ask me what I am talking about because I don't really know.

I am trying hard not to leap because I want to keep my feet on the ground. I'm not quite ready to fall, I am still not sure if there will be someone to catch me. I don't want to die from completely falling because of my complete trust. I will work out the kinks then find my path, then fall into the arms of that thing I need.

" IF YOU LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE, CHOOSE THE SECOND ONE, BECAUSE IF YOU HAD EVER TRULY LOVED THE FIRST, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FALLEN FOR THE SECOND."

- JOHNNY DEPP

Erm... I Wonder

Life is full of amazing things. Simple and Complex, Little and Big, Strong and Weak, and many other things. I love how amazing life can be.

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I can't even describe the feeling. The rush of emotions the chaos the love the life the EVERYTHING. Yesterday was my perfect day, it could not have been better.

Sometimes the absence of something in your life makes you love it more. On the other hand, the absence of something might make you realize that you don't need that something anymore. Sometimes we are afraid to let go of things because they are so regular or a safety to us. But maybe all we need to do is let go. I think there are many things in my life I need to just let go of. I think there are many things in life I want to let go of. I guess I just will have to...

Nothing more to say.

THE END.