Half Past Noon or Twelve Hours Right After Midnight and Thirty Minutes

I enjoy the ability to create.
To toss around ideas.
To indulge in the sweet taste of accomplishment and production.
It's great to be human.
Having the ability to feel so deeply and so passionately is such an amazing gift.
To have the feeling that happiness will never end, that there is a eternal ring of gladness and well being.
But also to discover that opposition and bitterness.
In fact I have decided that the sad part of life is the part that is the most important.
We have always heard that you have to experience sadness to know what happiness is like.
Not only do I think that this is very true and a very important observation but I believe something more.

I would want and wish and hope to think that this small insignificant bit of wording is actually something important, though I know it is not.

I would like to think that we can only experience the same amount of happiness as we have experienced sadness. Which means that the people who experienced the most sadness are the ones with the capability to enjoy the most happiness in fact they are the ones with the want and need to experience the most happiness. In the end, they are even the ones who deserve it. The more and more sadness we experience, the more and more happiness we can experience.

Thank you.

Love, Me.

Search and Find My Symbolism (Disclaimer: To Be Taken Literally)

I dipped my feet slowly into the water first. I was more scared of the waters low temperature than the bright green color of the slimy film that rested atop the ponds still surface. Maybe, I thought to myself, If I just jump in quick and get it over with everything will be fine and this will be a lot less painful than I thought. I couldn't make myself do it, I couldn't just jump in, ignoring my body in protest and my mind in the bleachers cheering for defense. I needed to get it though so I took another step forward, cutting into the waters silence and leaving a little train of ripples splattering off to where I thought my prize was. I was know up to my ankles which doesn't seem like much of an advancement but for the waters brittle temperature, was quite a feat. I had to do it, I had to get my lost possession, I wanted it more than any breathing thing. Everything around me was silent and morose, so I was left to the teasing of my ever questioning mind. The darkness that stretched out wide on both my sides seemed almost divided my the cut of the moon beam that lay straight on my like a spotlight. I felt like an act in the circus as I scooted so the water was at the top of my calf but not quite to my knees. My left foot, almost automatically shifted forward to search for the drop off that Mae had told me would lie about where I was standing. Suddenly I felt it. I pulled my leg back to the comfort of it's warm partner and debated one more time if I was really worth the idea of failure. Yes it was. I needed this more than any other of my conscious needs. I needed what was thrown down in that pond so long ago and I knew it was there, just waiting for me to wrap my young hands around it and take it for new adventures. It was calling to me, pleading with me to take it up and keep it warm. In the middle of my thoughts my body took over, it had decided a sound needed to be made to interrupt the woods seemingly important silence. My body flung itself out while my brain cried out to stop. The sound was made, the silence broken, and I had dived.

Walk Like Matter is a Solid

My heart is thrown into the wild air,

I'm trying to follow your turning trail. 

It's hard to read your tattered lines, 

I'm amazed at your unbelievable mind. 

I'm taken backwards by your kindly style, 

Your shiny young laugh and your interesting smile. 

Arthur the Author

{{What would I think of myself if I wrote a book?}}

          I was tempted to reach down and sweep the floor with my now wet hand. It seemed like the prompting was more of a command to clean but as I reached down and the dust stuck to my perspiration I felt more like I was collecting the memories that had been laying hidden in this forlorn room for all of the past awkward years. A trail of small but distinct footprints made a trail that led to the far end of the attic and curved back behind a large elegant trunk in the corner. I carved the small footprints out a little larger as I stuttered across the room with caution wanting to preserve the dust floor and the mysterious magic that filled the room. I wanted to call out to (insert girl name) but it just didn't seem right to make another noise when my feet were already disturbing her silence. 

          As my path came to a curve I saw (insert girl name)'s little red shoes on the floor. Then her full body came into view. She was wearing her favorite jean jumper, her eyes were open and staring, without a blink at the still ceiling. Her chest went up and down in slow breathes that seemed to be thought out. Seeing her breathe that way made me realize that I had stopped breathing and I gulped in the reserved air around me that had mixed with a little bit of dust, and then let out a labored sigh. 

          "Whadda you want?" (insert girl name) floated into the open air. 

          "How long are you going to keep this up?" I throw back "I mean, (insert girl name), you know mom didn't mean it don't you?"

          "Ya I know, just the anger talking right?"
          "Right." I fight hard to destroy any quiver in my speech, making my reply round like it is totally sure. Inside I am unsure myself if mothers words were thought out they way she presented them so carefully to (insert girl name) or if they were just thrown out like garbage on a a collecting day.
          "I just wanna be alone for a little bit."
          "Okay." I meander back down stairs not in much of a hurry because I was not successful in getting (insert girl name) to return with me. As I reentered the kitchen I hear my great aunt's questioning voice in full force. Stabbing my mom with questing that don't seen to have a good answer. The thing about Great Aunt is that she thrives off information. She already seems to know everything about everyone and she is always in a race trying to know more.
          "But who? Who did she take to the bar?"
          "I don't know {Candice}, I simply heard that she was with someone, he could have even invited her to the bar."
          "But who?" Great Aunt duplicated the question to herself now. Her face deviated from its original questioning look to a daydreamy look. Not a happy daydream, but a dismal, confusing daydream that had been torn from the caves of her memory and now was haunting her thoughts with even more habitual questions.
          "(insert boy name) honey, I need you to do the dishes now!"
          "Okay mom." I trotted over to the sink while I rolled up my sleeves in dismay. When mom was angry with someone it was best to avoid upsetting her, most people just avoid her altogether but I occasionally stick around for a show, or to do jobs for her in order to stay on her good side. I sat at the sink looking back through the small, window like hole in the wall to catch another glance at Great Aunt. I have found over the years that the more you study someone the more you notice about them.
           "Why do you give a care anyway?" Mother said to Great Aunt. Mother had moved over to the couch and picked up her stitching.
           "I don't, I don't." Great Aunt moved to the couch opposite my mother and began to read her novel. As I studied her I could tell she wasn't reading but still thinking, still questioning in her mind. I studied her worn face as I scrubbed the large pot she had just cooked in. The more I looked the more I wanted to know her thoughts. Wrinkles on her face seemed to straighten out in my repairing mind for just a few moments, her complexion went from a ash to a pearly white and for a moment I swear I saw her slip out a singular smile. As she looked up I was startled and shoved my eyes back down toward the sink. I spent the next couple seconds in silence washing over my favorite ocean green plate. Thinking about my dad who had given me the gift.
          "Where is (insert girl name)?" mother blurted blowing out my sweet silence, "I thought I told you to go get her!" Here comes the trouble
          "I did go," I say feeling a tingle run up my leg to my stomach, "she said that she just wanted to be alone for now." The same tingle was now traveling straight to my heart causing it to lub loudly.
          "Okay then," mother simply stated. Her answer, clam and collect surprises me. Instead of her subtle reaction calming me, it makes my insides scream louder. My whole body is tingling now every instinct is telling me to run, "Well, keep going!" I hear my mom say, but she sounds far off, I fell removed from the small kitchen but as I look down I am still right there, dirty dish in hand and I resume my chore.

{{Not great. But a Start. I need some good names.}}

Bottles in my Closet

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you




"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a women, I feel continually shhh'ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don't let someone steal your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it's a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all -- look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel loved." 
--- Zooey Deschanel 


"In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn't be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going." 


"Sometimes you play a game, even when you know you are going to lose. Or sometimes you leave a game even when you know you can win."


"It's funny how sometimes the people we remember the least make the greatest impression on us." --- Benjamin Button 


"For what it's worth: it's never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this things. We can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." --- Benjamin Button


"Some people are born to sit by a river, some get struck by lightning, some have an ear for music, some are artists, some swim, some know buttons, some know Shakespeare, some are mothers and some people are dancers."
--- Benjamin Button 

Interested or Invested?

Mirror on the wall, here we are again. 

Through the rise and fall, you've been my only friend. 

You told me that they can't understand the man I am, 

so ill just lay here talking to myself again. 

ALERT:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2fpgpanZAw>
copy and paste this URL and go to it, now. 
Ok Go is this really cool band that deserves serious praise for their awesome music and incredible use of visuals. As soon as you watch one video you will end up browsing a lot of their songs and videos and fall in love!! They are genius! Truly though, I wish I was this creative. 


I CREDIT THIS IDEA TO MY FRIEND AUBSEYBABY... Thank you. 

This is a picture of me and my cousin Andrew reflected in a TV. When seeing our reflection he quickly stated, "Look Kristen! We are on TV!" so I told him we should take a picture and when we did he was the one who told me, "HEY! Make a funny face. These small things are the reason I love cousins. 

Ear. Pearl. Messy Hair. Late night Homework. 

 "Without you, tomorrows wouldn't be worth the wait and yesterday's wouldn't deserve remembering."

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace, the soul that knows it not, knows no real ease from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear, nor mountain heights where better joy can hear the sound of wings." - Amelia Earhart

"If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot you don't."

" 'How do you spell love?' Piglet asked. 'You don't spell it,' Pooh replied, 'You feel it.' "

"in these bodies we'll live in these bodies we'll die

where you invest your love, you invest your life"

 Have you ever been thinking about someone and they wonder if maybe they are thinking about you at the same time. Maybe you waltzed across their mind as they hit yours. Maybe they are making wishes that involve you while you are dreaming stories about them. Maybe they are smiling at memories you've shared while you are giggling at precious moments that have past. Maybe they are thinking about you, maybe they are not. Maybe they are wondering if you are thinking about them while you are wondering if they are thinking about you. Maybe... just maybe.. its just a huge circle of thought that runs around and around and around. Know we are thinking. :)

People, love them.
THE END.

Fruit Punch and Lemonade

I am happy and content because I think I am.

Happy summer, I love it. Fourth of July is simply exhilarating.

I have a passion for the world. I actually have a passion for having passion as well.

It's good to have passions, I believe that if there is something you love you should dedicate yourself to it and consider it your passion.

MY PASSIONS:

• Dance
• Singing
• Guitar
• Music in General
• Painting
• Organizing
• Decorating
• Inventing
• Cleaning (surprisingly)
• Vacuuming
• Snowboarding
• Teaching
• Learning
• The World
• People
• Love
• and many more *dot-dot-dot*

I think that over all I love to create. Anything and Everything is so exciting to me and I can't even explain what I am trying to say but oh well.

Here's a quote:

"What I've discovered is that in art, as in music, there's a lot of truth-and then there's a lie. The artist is essentially creating his work to make this lie a truth, but he slides it in amongst all the others. The tiny little lie is the moment I live for, my moment. It's the moment that the audience falls in love. "

I would tell you who said it but then I think you would take it less literally.

THE END and all my love!

TTFN and BYE BYE now!