Search and Find My Symbolism (Disclaimer: To Be Taken Literally)

I dipped my feet slowly into the water first. I was more scared of the waters low temperature than the bright green color of the slimy film that rested atop the ponds still surface. Maybe, I thought to myself, If I just jump in quick and get it over with everything will be fine and this will be a lot less painful than I thought. I couldn't make myself do it, I couldn't just jump in, ignoring my body in protest and my mind in the bleachers cheering for defense. I needed to get it though so I took another step forward, cutting into the waters silence and leaving a little train of ripples splattering off to where I thought my prize was. I was know up to my ankles which doesn't seem like much of an advancement but for the waters brittle temperature, was quite a feat. I had to do it, I had to get my lost possession, I wanted it more than any breathing thing. Everything around me was silent and morose, so I was left to the teasing of my ever questioning mind. The darkness that stretched out wide on both my sides seemed almost divided my the cut of the moon beam that lay straight on my like a spotlight. I felt like an act in the circus as I scooted so the water was at the top of my calf but not quite to my knees. My left foot, almost automatically shifted forward to search for the drop off that Mae had told me would lie about where I was standing. Suddenly I felt it. I pulled my leg back to the comfort of it's warm partner and debated one more time if I was really worth the idea of failure. Yes it was. I needed this more than any other of my conscious needs. I needed what was thrown down in that pond so long ago and I knew it was there, just waiting for me to wrap my young hands around it and take it for new adventures. It was calling to me, pleading with me to take it up and keep it warm. In the middle of my thoughts my body took over, it had decided a sound needed to be made to interrupt the woods seemingly important silence. My body flung itself out while my brain cried out to stop. The sound was made, the silence broken, and I had dived.

Arthur the Author

{{What would I think of myself if I wrote a book?}}

          I was tempted to reach down and sweep the floor with my now wet hand. It seemed like the prompting was more of a command to clean but as I reached down and the dust stuck to my perspiration I felt more like I was collecting the memories that had been laying hidden in this forlorn room for all of the past awkward years. A trail of small but distinct footprints made a trail that led to the far end of the attic and curved back behind a large elegant trunk in the corner. I carved the small footprints out a little larger as I stuttered across the room with caution wanting to preserve the dust floor and the mysterious magic that filled the room. I wanted to call out to (insert girl name) but it just didn't seem right to make another noise when my feet were already disturbing her silence. 

          As my path came to a curve I saw (insert girl name)'s little red shoes on the floor. Then her full body came into view. She was wearing her favorite jean jumper, her eyes were open and staring, without a blink at the still ceiling. Her chest went up and down in slow breathes that seemed to be thought out. Seeing her breathe that way made me realize that I had stopped breathing and I gulped in the reserved air around me that had mixed with a little bit of dust, and then let out a labored sigh. 

          "Whadda you want?" (insert girl name) floated into the open air. 

          "How long are you going to keep this up?" I throw back "I mean, (insert girl name), you know mom didn't mean it don't you?"

          "Ya I know, just the anger talking right?"
          "Right." I fight hard to destroy any quiver in my speech, making my reply round like it is totally sure. Inside I am unsure myself if mothers words were thought out they way she presented them so carefully to (insert girl name) or if they were just thrown out like garbage on a a collecting day.
          "I just wanna be alone for a little bit."
          "Okay." I meander back down stairs not in much of a hurry because I was not successful in getting (insert girl name) to return with me. As I reentered the kitchen I hear my great aunt's questioning voice in full force. Stabbing my mom with questing that don't seen to have a good answer. The thing about Great Aunt is that she thrives off information. She already seems to know everything about everyone and she is always in a race trying to know more.
          "But who? Who did she take to the bar?"
          "I don't know {Candice}, I simply heard that she was with someone, he could have even invited her to the bar."
          "But who?" Great Aunt duplicated the question to herself now. Her face deviated from its original questioning look to a daydreamy look. Not a happy daydream, but a dismal, confusing daydream that had been torn from the caves of her memory and now was haunting her thoughts with even more habitual questions.
          "(insert boy name) honey, I need you to do the dishes now!"
          "Okay mom." I trotted over to the sink while I rolled up my sleeves in dismay. When mom was angry with someone it was best to avoid upsetting her, most people just avoid her altogether but I occasionally stick around for a show, or to do jobs for her in order to stay on her good side. I sat at the sink looking back through the small, window like hole in the wall to catch another glance at Great Aunt. I have found over the years that the more you study someone the more you notice about them.
           "Why do you give a care anyway?" Mother said to Great Aunt. Mother had moved over to the couch and picked up her stitching.
           "I don't, I don't." Great Aunt moved to the couch opposite my mother and began to read her novel. As I studied her I could tell she wasn't reading but still thinking, still questioning in her mind. I studied her worn face as I scrubbed the large pot she had just cooked in. The more I looked the more I wanted to know her thoughts. Wrinkles on her face seemed to straighten out in my repairing mind for just a few moments, her complexion went from a ash to a pearly white and for a moment I swear I saw her slip out a singular smile. As she looked up I was startled and shoved my eyes back down toward the sink. I spent the next couple seconds in silence washing over my favorite ocean green plate. Thinking about my dad who had given me the gift.
          "Where is (insert girl name)?" mother blurted blowing out my sweet silence, "I thought I told you to go get her!" Here comes the trouble
          "I did go," I say feeling a tingle run up my leg to my stomach, "she said that she just wanted to be alone for now." The same tingle was now traveling straight to my heart causing it to lub loudly.
          "Okay then," mother simply stated. Her answer, clam and collect surprises me. Instead of her subtle reaction calming me, it makes my insides scream louder. My whole body is tingling now every instinct is telling me to run, "Well, keep going!" I hear my mom say, but she sounds far off, I fell removed from the small kitchen but as I look down I am still right there, dirty dish in hand and I resume my chore.

{{Not great. But a Start. I need some good names.}}

Trashing Plagiarism

I was immediately swept away. Saying swept away is quite a cliche as is pointing out your cliches but, by any means, swept I was. Swept not this round by love or by interest itself but by mystery. This type of mystery that led me to deep interest and filled me with unspeakable love. You know that something is powerful when it has the ability to change you. When that something takes your body and soul and removes it from existence. I have spoken of passion before and I have specified my particular passion for dance, but things have changed. I no longer have just a passion for dance. I have an obsession,  an addiction, an infatuation, a fixation for dance. I am enslaved by dance and it's power. I have been completely taken over by it. I spent the best weekend of my life, hands down ever, at a dance convention.

I spent the weekend in a frenzy of hard work and extreme passion. In a place where my whole body quaked with pain until the music restarted and I began to move in time with it's notes. I could not be more happy or proud of myself after this weekend and I wish it had never ended.

There are no other words to try and explain the amazingness of what happened to me this weekend. All I can really say to sum things up is I am changed, moved, inspired, and now motivated for life.

All had been said. The End.

Interested or Invested?

Mirror on the wall, here we are again. 

Through the rise and fall, you've been my only friend. 

You told me that they can't understand the man I am, 

so ill just lay here talking to myself again. 

ALERT:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2fpgpanZAw>
copy and paste this URL and go to it, now. 
Ok Go is this really cool band that deserves serious praise for their awesome music and incredible use of visuals. As soon as you watch one video you will end up browsing a lot of their songs and videos and fall in love!! They are genius! Truly though, I wish I was this creative. 


I CREDIT THIS IDEA TO MY FRIEND AUBSEYBABY... Thank you. 

This is a picture of me and my cousin Andrew reflected in a TV. When seeing our reflection he quickly stated, "Look Kristen! We are on TV!" so I told him we should take a picture and when we did he was the one who told me, "HEY! Make a funny face. These small things are the reason I love cousins. 

Ear. Pearl. Messy Hair. Late night Homework. 

 "Without you, tomorrows wouldn't be worth the wait and yesterday's wouldn't deserve remembering."

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace, the soul that knows it not, knows no real ease from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear, nor mountain heights where better joy can hear the sound of wings." - Amelia Earhart

"If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot you don't."

" 'How do you spell love?' Piglet asked. 'You don't spell it,' Pooh replied, 'You feel it.' "

"in these bodies we'll live in these bodies we'll die

where you invest your love, you invest your life"

 Have you ever been thinking about someone and they wonder if maybe they are thinking about you at the same time. Maybe you waltzed across their mind as they hit yours. Maybe they are making wishes that involve you while you are dreaming stories about them. Maybe they are smiling at memories you've shared while you are giggling at precious moments that have past. Maybe they are thinking about you, maybe they are not. Maybe they are wondering if you are thinking about them while you are wondering if they are thinking about you. Maybe... just maybe.. its just a huge circle of thought that runs around and around and around. Know we are thinking. :)

People, love them.
THE END.

Kiss Me Then I'll Wake Up

"A big part of math is simply knowing your calculator." - Mrs. Taylor 

 It's funny when people are walking down the hall all alone and for some reason they decide to walk the other way and, instead of simply turning around and going the other way, they feel like they need to say something out loud to the random passers to explain why they look like a total idiot for going in the wrong direction. -- "Oh, ya!" -- "Hahaha, other way..." -- "Oh darn! My violin!" -- "Whoops, wrong direction..." -- "Agg, other way! --- Those are just a few of the things I have heard this week.

 "He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Be who you are, and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter and those that matter, don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

"Bad memories are like bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself." - Marilyn Monroe

" 'Tell me one last thing," said Harry, 'Is this real? Or has this just been inside my head?' 'Of course it's happening inside your head, Harry, but why does that mean that it is not real?' "

"You can't just sit around and wait for things to happen. You have to make things happen. Begin with no fears and end with no regrets. What would you do if you weren't afraid? if you knew you couldn't fail? In life, sure, you get second chances, but at least make your first shot count." - unknown

"ELIZABETH: John, I counted myself so plain, so poorly made, no honest love could come to me! Suspicion kissed you when I did; I never knew how I should say my love. It were a cold house I kept!" - The Crucible 


"What do we live for if not to make others lives easier?"

 I love the teachers who conveniently plan their end of chapter math tests to be on a Friday. Some of you might think, "Oh that stinks, a Math test on Friday?!" but I see the hidden treasure... NO HOMEWORK OVER THE WEEKEND!! Sounds perfect to me!

I feel like most of the material put into this world is ridiculously overanalyzed. Writing, Music, Art, Dance, Historical Events, Language/Sayings, and even numbers. Sometimes I think that the population of the world is too busied by a search for a deeper meaning in everything. I think that things do have a deep meaning and it should be recognized to some extent, but why should we spend so much time analyzing others deep meanings and messages when we could be creating our own.

Why is being literal considered so rude and/or ugly? While being figurative, evasive and a bush beater is pretty and clever and elegant. I wish people would/could just say what they mean.

Move If You Wanna

What Colors Mean to Me {In a Non-Cliche Way}

Tragedy and Beauty cover this shade. Lips trail backwards on a luxurious path of rich jewels. Red. 

Pure, overpowering, covers the walls with open spaces. Opens new windows for us to see. Blue. 

Fake pleasure. Blinding you eyes with forceful creativity, trying hard to be noticed. Yellow. 

Old, boisterous, notorious. Can't seem to find it's own place. Orange.

Frolic the path, brush against threads of knowledge in your way. The unnoticed. Green.

Comforts and heals, pretends to care. Engulfs you with a broad hug. Purple. 

Lust, youth, anxiety, drawn to the careful intoxication. Not thought of because of affiliations. Pink. 

Confusion and sickness drag you home. Base always in a pair. Brown. 

Spacious. Clear. White. 

Straight organized order, fills the space with ropes, leaves you friendless and helpful. Black.


+My Secret Place+

Most of us have a place, a state in which we can be however we want to be, whether that is ourselves or some other thing we want to be, when we are in this place we can be free to do what we wish. Some places we choose because of sentimental value in the place, or they might just be a random stump we stumble upon when ourselves tend to need a place like it. Some people don't have just one place either, they have multiple sanctuaries where they can stupor to create their own worlds. My spot has always been the same, I have never been able to try to change it, even though sometimes I wish I had a tangible spot that could lead me to be in my own solitude, my spot has always been and always will be, simply and just, my mind.
You see the great thing about having your mind as your secret place is that no matter where you are you can access it easily with your will to be in that place. I once heard a random person on the street say that if only they could go to their thinking spot then they would feel much better, I am assuming that they were far away from their thinking spot, which is altogether not so good for them. I was on vacation at the time and if I had had a tangible thinking spot then maybe I would have been wishing to be far from the place I was. However, I had my secret place with me, because, obviously, I carry my mind everywhere. so therefore, I was not regretting the fact that I was in a beautiful place without my secret place because I was in a beautiful place and I could think rationally about the beauty of it because, hey, look at that, I had my mind with me.
Seeing as this idea is really going nowhere I guess I will end with this thought: I am not saying that everyone is like that person I heard that sunny day, but, if you are like that person who depends on a location to think, or you know someone like that person, or, you have in anyway been depending on any materialistic thing to sustain your imaginative thought. Stop this terrible thing, think independently, make yourself able to access great ideas anywhere, you don't have to be in one certain place to help you think better and you don't need any lucky charms or things like that to help you think. Just think creatively everywhere.
Alright, that made no sense, THE END.

I think I am going to start using labels, maybe I will even go back a few posts to make labels for them.

Good Thought...

I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.

Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .

Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:
"The kingdom of God is within man"
Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

. . .

Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting, the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.

The soul of man has been given wings, and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow, into the light of hope, into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up. Look up.

I'm Checking

Sometimes, thoughts are confusing and tangled into a wild mess and you don't know how to put anything straight, at times like these you search for other thoughts and when you find those you depend on those thoughts to get you through the day. I credit most of these thoughts posted today to other people that I love and cherish. I love finding other thoughts because I believe that everyone has profoundly deep wisdom that they are just waiting to share with other people. You just have to reach out and talk to them and make them feel like their thoughts are worthwhile because they all are. 

Flowers from my secret sister on dance company, they are slightly wilted but still beautiful. 

"I wish I could just shed my skin, well, no, not my skin. I want to shed my thoughts and feelings. They're old and I'm tired of how they feel sitting in my head. I would just shed them and leave them to float away. Then I could find new things to put in my head and they would sit there until I got tired of them and shed all over again" - Elizabeth Caroline Peek 

My Jess made this out of shoelaces and I really quite enjoy it. 

"You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget."

"If you break little promises, you'll break big ones."

"Sometimes herons is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic."

I have always wanted a pet elephant so, upon seeing this picture, I smiled with great joy. 

"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" - Everything is Illuminated

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of al the lives I'm not living."

"Don't judge me until you know me, don't underestimate me until you challenge me and don't talk about me until you've talked to me..." - Anonymous

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going." - Practical Magic

This picture is totally cheesy, but sometimes I just like taking pictures of myself in my clean room wearing my Ferrari shirt. 

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumbled, its can't be perfect..."

Have you ever watched somethings, read something, or heard somethings inspiring? Something that gives you this peaceful feeling, and you get chills that reach up your arms and you feel tears in your eyes waiting to silently push past that slight barrier and escape onto your cheek. You feel like you want to be a new person and change everything you have ever done wrong, and learn and love everything and everyone. You fill like suddenly life will not be fulfilled until you have accomplished all the new goals that just rushed into your brain when you were inspired by one little something. I have a love-hate relationship with this feeling, somedays I love being inspired and I love expressing inspiration but there are sometimes where I just don't want to feel I just want to be the functioning machine I am everyday and I resent the feeling of being inspired by new thoughts and ideas. Recently it been more of the second choice, I have mostly just wanted to function and not have to think or feel or anything. I have to actually try to motivate myself to be motivated to do things. Its getting hard.

I love my sister. She is the best sister anyone could ask for because she loves me and is nice to me no matter what. 

 I love my English teacher this year. I feel like everything she says is absolutely profound. She has such a love for knowledge and an excitement for life that I so admire her for. Hearing her talk about literature is so interesting, I am amazed at her passion for things that before this year I didn't have any deeper thought for. I like how she has started the year with not teaching us just how to write, but how to think and bee great thinkers. She always tells us that in order to be great writers, we have to be good thinkers, and that is what I love about her. I have never been more excited to attend any class in school that I have been to attend english this year. I love it.

“I would but run away. Run away, perhaps today. Perhaps today I will. I will run away.” - Unknown

You Don't Know Me

"I know that after tonight, you don't have to look up at the stars no, no, no, no. 
I know by the end of the night, you don't have to look up at the stars. 
And I know if the love is alright, you don't have to look up at the stars no, no, no, no.  '
I know by the end of the night, you don't have to look up at the stars." - Justin Nozuka

I dislike interacting with people who are in a bad mood. Your whole day is just ruined after talking to them. I just don't understand why someone would go around and trample on peoples sunshine just to whine about there own selfish needs. I mean... will they just listen to themselves and hear what they are saying? Don't they know they sound annoying and whiny and just plain stupid. Okay... I admit it... I complain sometimes, okay... maybe a lot... so maybe I deserve it when people whine at me. Or I am just supposed to learn a lesson and not whine to others after experiencing what it feels like to be whined at. I will try to understand from now on, and hopefully stop whining myself.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never get much done." - Tom Krause

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

When peaple my grammer correct, me hate it. They be telling I that me ain't said my words in the right form. You guy's are so annoying to I and myself when you learn to how to speak my words. I feel almost rude saying this, but it's true... I be bugged by it.

There are times when I feel like my brain just won't stop thinking, especially when I am in bed at night trying to sleep, it seems like I just can't stop thinking about anything. It is not like I am particularly troubled and have a lot of serious thoughts on my mind, it's just that when I lay down, my mind goes crazy with new ideas and weird thoughts. I just can't help it, and then, just when I think that I have stopped thinking I immediately think about why my brain thinks about everything it thinks about, then I am on a whole new train of thought then I can't help but pass out and sleep because my brain has become overloaded. It's rough being a thinker sometimes.

I just don't understand people a lot of the time... If I could have a super power... I would choose mind reading, that may not seem like the obvious choice for some, but I always wonder what people are thinking so this power couldn't be more perfect for me. The End.

Wheeze. Cough. Sniffle. Hark. Cough. Cough. Wheeze. Sniffle. Cough.
Don't Ask.

Bye now.

New Crayons are Yummy

{EVERY MOMENT}

Every moment that you're here

I feel ashes on my ear

Subtle difference disappears 

I used to think about you and me forever

Improper medicine for you and me together

Do you wanna shoulder this weather?

I'm inspired by the things that upset her

You're no measure 

This song just makes me really happy for some reason. I am not sure why but it really does.

I really wanted to post again today because I haven't posted for so long.

{CURRENT THOUGHTS}

1. Money really is everything.
2. I hate missing school, but don't mind when there is no school.
3. I make a lot of lists but I really like them. The are straight and to the point without a paragraph of commentary.
4. I wish I had a heart shaped balloon right now.
5. My feet = nastiness
6. I need to shower.
7. Awkward situations are awkward but hilarious :)
8. I like special little things... if you know what I mean...
9. Sometimes I feel super stupid
10. I need to study and stop blogging.
11. Bye. Bye.