It's Been Said There Is Much Ado About Nothing

Recently, Lately, and Frequently I have been:

• thinking of songs that would play as a soundtrack for a movie about my life. 
• saying different reasons I am worth something.
• getting close to my real friends.
• eating food.
• encountering and experiencing special coincidences that create interesting stories.
• hearing that when you say things people do rational things about what you say.
• finding fun in receiving mail, even if its just from colleges. 
• creating words to write down and edit and rewrite down again more time.
• watching movies that make me want to change my life. 
• realizing just how hard it is to let go of stupidity and dumbness. 
• hoping for different things to change.
• stressing about life. 
• learning to cry. 
• and discovering deeper feelings of love, hate, remorse, regret, joy, happiness, and deeper feeling of feelings in general.

"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if is was the second or the third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." -- Cassandra Clare

"You are the best! You just made my whole day!"

"The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened." -- Oprah Winfrey

"Every Thing Dances."

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 

Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO QUESTION MYSELF!" 

 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 

Thanks for listening.    

+ Never Mind the Weather +

Showers pounding out a new beat
I trade my old shoes for new feet
I grab a new seat I don't like the one I got
The fabric's wearing through
And it's wearing me out
You're wearing me down
Watching old baseball games
And low budget telethons
Ain't like watching you yourself
When you yourself is on
Got time to wander to waste and to whine
But when it comes to you
It seems like I just can't find the time
So watch your head and then watch the ground
It's a silly time to learn to swim
When you start to drown
It's a silly time to learn to swim
On the way down
If I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from drowning
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay
Closed down the last local zoo
I'm gonna win the endless war
Over who kills the last koala bear
And who in death will love him more and I
He grabs me by the hand
Drags me to the shore and says
Maybe you don't love me
But you'll grow to love me even more
And I well I'm not surprised

Today was a marvelous day, I really honestly cannot even tell you exactly why but it was truly amazing.

1. I woke up this morning and I was a little bit tired but I could actually get up and get ready without falling asleep again.

2. I wore my Dole Hawaii shirt to school... I love T-shirt days.

3. The homework that I forgot about yesterday for History ended up not being due today because we are doing our mock trial next class.

4. I got really good grades on both of my physiology projects plus accidental extra credit, Thank You Mrs. Abbott for that one.

5. I had a really good talk with my friend Cherissa in English and we got our work done really quickly and did a good job on it.

6. I had a simple, relaxed dance company day and I got to praise one of my dancing heroes on some of her choreography from last year.

7. I had an early out from school which is always good.

8. I drove my brother to band practice and we had a nice drive and talk. I just love him so much.

9. I took the most amazing nap I have ever taken, in fact people should be jealous of my nap.

10. I went to dance and had a new teacher for the first time, I really liked her and she really liked me. She said I was super cute and she even changed some parts of the dance when I truly accidentally gave her "really cute" ideas.

11. My mom made pasta salad for dinner, yummm. I love it when my mom makes my favorite things.

12. I went to the movie Footloose with 4 of my favorite people (my siblings and my aunt). The movie was so good: funny, good message, and... dancing.

13. I had a phone call with my best friend, Jess. I love it when we say random little things to each other that, one, wouldn't make sense to anyone but us, and two, are just insanely happy to talk to each other.

14. I now get to peacefully type on my blog and listen to the mumblings and little conversations going on in my family.

15. Then I get to go right to sleep because, to top of my wonderful day... I have no homework. :) that deserved and emoticon.

"Someday, everything will make sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."

"Well-behaved women, seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"Good feelings don't always come in the dame envelope as the right answer." - Robin Jones Gunn

"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

I really enjoy frozen treats: snow cones, popsicles, ice cream... I even love just plain ice, well especially pebble ice, but I try not to discriminate.

For the past little while I have been thinking a lot about what things are most important to me. I still haven't decided what those things are but as I have been thinking about it I have been trying to think of what makes something important. Is it how something makes you feel, and whatever makes you feel the best is the most important? Or is it what has the biggest impact on you? There are obviously lots of other ideas that could qualify something as important but, I have been thinking about these two significantly. Dance is something that I really like and it is something that has a very large impact on all aspects of my life. So is it important? Wouldn't it be sad if something or someone that had a very large impact on you was something that you didn't like? And what if that were true? Would that something still be important to you? Even if you didn't like it? Even if you absolutely hated it? I will have to think about this one a little more.

Well it's about ten minutes to eleven and though I don't have any homework to run off and go do, I do want to sleep some more because I need it... Plus I want to listen to my new favorite song a couple hundred times before I actually fall asleep. Goodnight.