When You've Gotta Dance, Dance

++continued from the last++

Still Chapter One:

Dear Train...
       My mother is making dinner like she always does and she told me to tell you to tell your mother that you are all invited over tonight. Don't tell your mother you have to come though because if you do come I will not be allowed to wear sweats at the dinner table. But if you do decide to come and your mother says you can make sure you let me know before you come that way I can be prepared for the occasion. That's all I guess.
From, Me

I folded the note and continued thinking while my teacher continued to babble something random about derivatives and jerk functions. Something I knew entirely nothing about.

Grandpa always told me that having a job was valuable in high school because you got to have the social interaction with people, especially if you worked in a job were you were at the service of others. I've never had a job, and that could very well be why I am so socially awkward and I blunder all my words when I try to talk to people. For this reason, this blundering that is, I don't talk to people much. That is why I scared the boy next to me while, and at the same time surprised myself when I leaned over and whispered to him, pointing out that the teacher had chalk smeared down the side of her official pencil skirt that looked so uncomfortable. The boy looked back at my with shock, probably at the fact that I spoke and the low level maturity in the pointing out of chalk. But then he laughed and said something to me. I didn't register that something in my head however because I was so shocked that I had spoken.

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Your tales, soft.
Fill up the empty in my heart.
Your lies, harsh.
Carry my rage through hurt.
Your thoughts, true.
Laugh at my ignorance.
Your actions, dumb.
Caress my longing look for you.

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all into the call
You took a chance and
You took the fall for us

You came thoughtfully
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor
You did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me, my love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you

You took my hand and added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release
Ah, ooh

I know you're pleased to go
I won't relieve this love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

Just When You Thought You Were Lost

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

VIII

IX

X

She tried to help. She really did. Wondering why the other couldn't get a grasp on themselves and decide. She sat wondering what it would be like to be the other. Struggling for safety and looking for some type of humanity in a world that seemed to be rid of it. Then she glanced, and glanced again, and read the message twice more. Her eyebrows furrowed, she never cried, but if she did, this would be one of those moments. Sadness and frustration fell on her like rain pouring from an all knowing sky. She was in a trance to be relieved from the soaking of the liar. She had stood for the other, she had blanketed the other. She had stupidly pretended like the truth wasn't true even though she new, deep inside that it was. Sadness loves company, and she trashed the other, threw her aside with the lashing of a discarded wrapper of a treat that had already been devoured. Two roses lost in one day, and all because of one step in the opposite direction of a previous decision. Complication struck her world, and she hoped that the other felt what she wanted them to feel. She forgave, but was angry, but more than that was hurt. She felt like she couldn't be trusted with anything any more, and the other was haunted at the loss of another affair. The other was on her own, while she thrived out of the sadness. She was stronger than the other, she was braver, she was better, she was loved. 

Chapter One: 

I heard a bell in the distance, tolling with the unforgettable tune that called us all back into school. I had to go because I couldn't think of anymore excuses for being late and my teacher was bound to get frustrated. I felt bad for that teacher already, she had to teach a bunch of self-centered losers like me that knew almost nothing about anything that had to do with school. I took off with a run not even noticing the landscape or the other bustling students around me. I took five deep breaths at the door to calm myself down before I stepped into the classroom and thudded in my seat before the second toll of the bell rang through my ears. 

I heard the teacher saying something in the background of my thoughts but I decided that being on time was my only gift to her today so instead of paying attention to her banter I pulled out my notebook and wrote to my friend instead. 

++to be continued++

Search and Find My Symbolism (Disclaimer: To Be Taken Literally)

I dipped my feet slowly into the water first. I was more scared of the waters low temperature than the bright green color of the slimy film that rested atop the ponds still surface. Maybe, I thought to myself, If I just jump in quick and get it over with everything will be fine and this will be a lot less painful than I thought. I couldn't make myself do it, I couldn't just jump in, ignoring my body in protest and my mind in the bleachers cheering for defense. I needed to get it though so I took another step forward, cutting into the waters silence and leaving a little train of ripples splattering off to where I thought my prize was. I was know up to my ankles which doesn't seem like much of an advancement but for the waters brittle temperature, was quite a feat. I had to do it, I had to get my lost possession, I wanted it more than any breathing thing. Everything around me was silent and morose, so I was left to the teasing of my ever questioning mind. The darkness that stretched out wide on both my sides seemed almost divided my the cut of the moon beam that lay straight on my like a spotlight. I felt like an act in the circus as I scooted so the water was at the top of my calf but not quite to my knees. My left foot, almost automatically shifted forward to search for the drop off that Mae had told me would lie about where I was standing. Suddenly I felt it. I pulled my leg back to the comfort of it's warm partner and debated one more time if I was really worth the idea of failure. Yes it was. I needed this more than any other of my conscious needs. I needed what was thrown down in that pond so long ago and I knew it was there, just waiting for me to wrap my young hands around it and take it for new adventures. It was calling to me, pleading with me to take it up and keep it warm. In the middle of my thoughts my body took over, it had decided a sound needed to be made to interrupt the woods seemingly important silence. My body flung itself out while my brain cried out to stop. The sound was made, the silence broken, and I had dived.

Arthur the Author

{{What would I think of myself if I wrote a book?}}

          I was tempted to reach down and sweep the floor with my now wet hand. It seemed like the prompting was more of a command to clean but as I reached down and the dust stuck to my perspiration I felt more like I was collecting the memories that had been laying hidden in this forlorn room for all of the past awkward years. A trail of small but distinct footprints made a trail that led to the far end of the attic and curved back behind a large elegant trunk in the corner. I carved the small footprints out a little larger as I stuttered across the room with caution wanting to preserve the dust floor and the mysterious magic that filled the room. I wanted to call out to (insert girl name) but it just didn't seem right to make another noise when my feet were already disturbing her silence. 

          As my path came to a curve I saw (insert girl name)'s little red shoes on the floor. Then her full body came into view. She was wearing her favorite jean jumper, her eyes were open and staring, without a blink at the still ceiling. Her chest went up and down in slow breathes that seemed to be thought out. Seeing her breathe that way made me realize that I had stopped breathing and I gulped in the reserved air around me that had mixed with a little bit of dust, and then let out a labored sigh. 

          "Whadda you want?" (insert girl name) floated into the open air. 

          "How long are you going to keep this up?" I throw back "I mean, (insert girl name), you know mom didn't mean it don't you?"

          "Ya I know, just the anger talking right?"
          "Right." I fight hard to destroy any quiver in my speech, making my reply round like it is totally sure. Inside I am unsure myself if mothers words were thought out they way she presented them so carefully to (insert girl name) or if they were just thrown out like garbage on a a collecting day.
          "I just wanna be alone for a little bit."
          "Okay." I meander back down stairs not in much of a hurry because I was not successful in getting (insert girl name) to return with me. As I reentered the kitchen I hear my great aunt's questioning voice in full force. Stabbing my mom with questing that don't seen to have a good answer. The thing about Great Aunt is that she thrives off information. She already seems to know everything about everyone and she is always in a race trying to know more.
          "But who? Who did she take to the bar?"
          "I don't know {Candice}, I simply heard that she was with someone, he could have even invited her to the bar."
          "But who?" Great Aunt duplicated the question to herself now. Her face deviated from its original questioning look to a daydreamy look. Not a happy daydream, but a dismal, confusing daydream that had been torn from the caves of her memory and now was haunting her thoughts with even more habitual questions.
          "(insert boy name) honey, I need you to do the dishes now!"
          "Okay mom." I trotted over to the sink while I rolled up my sleeves in dismay. When mom was angry with someone it was best to avoid upsetting her, most people just avoid her altogether but I occasionally stick around for a show, or to do jobs for her in order to stay on her good side. I sat at the sink looking back through the small, window like hole in the wall to catch another glance at Great Aunt. I have found over the years that the more you study someone the more you notice about them.
           "Why do you give a care anyway?" Mother said to Great Aunt. Mother had moved over to the couch and picked up her stitching.
           "I don't, I don't." Great Aunt moved to the couch opposite my mother and began to read her novel. As I studied her I could tell she wasn't reading but still thinking, still questioning in her mind. I studied her worn face as I scrubbed the large pot she had just cooked in. The more I looked the more I wanted to know her thoughts. Wrinkles on her face seemed to straighten out in my repairing mind for just a few moments, her complexion went from a ash to a pearly white and for a moment I swear I saw her slip out a singular smile. As she looked up I was startled and shoved my eyes back down toward the sink. I spent the next couple seconds in silence washing over my favorite ocean green plate. Thinking about my dad who had given me the gift.
          "Where is (insert girl name)?" mother blurted blowing out my sweet silence, "I thought I told you to go get her!" Here comes the trouble
          "I did go," I say feeling a tingle run up my leg to my stomach, "she said that she just wanted to be alone for now." The same tingle was now traveling straight to my heart causing it to lub loudly.
          "Okay then," mother simply stated. Her answer, clam and collect surprises me. Instead of her subtle reaction calming me, it makes my insides scream louder. My whole body is tingling now every instinct is telling me to run, "Well, keep going!" I hear my mom say, but she sounds far off, I fell removed from the small kitchen but as I look down I am still right there, dirty dish in hand and I resume my chore.

{{Not great. But a Start. I need some good names.}}