Just When I Thought I Was A Wizard

"No matter how much you try to hide it, I know you are thinking about me. I know it's hard for you like it's hard for me but why don't we just except it and move on." -- Anonymous 

My Grateful List

Friends

Dance Company

Cars

Sun

Cell Phones

Fruit

Trees

Love

Passion

Dance

Secrets

Speech

Bodies

Ideas

Music

Art

Family

Writing

Balloons

Sugar

Beds

Blankets

Lips

Noses

Teeth 

Eyes

Arms

Legs

Feet

Hands

Ears 

There is obviously more but that's kinda just what I have today... 

 "Fella gets use' to a place, it's hard to go," said Casy. "Fella gets use' to a way of thinkin' it's hard to leave." 

 So I got my blood drawn today and let me just lay it out frankly, It was scary. It hurt a little and the whole time the needle was in my arm I was stressing a little bit. In the end it was fine, I was most worried about getting fait and passing out and that didn't happen so it was okay. While I was getting "interviewed" in the back room the nurse made and interesting comment to me. She said, "It's strange to me how people don't spend the time getting to know people when people are so fascinating." First of all, I love that word fascinating because it seems like a very good word to describe my feelings toward people. Second, I bonded with that nurse at that moment. I was saying it out loud before I could think it when I blurted, "I KNOW! I AGREE! People are so amazing!" My comment must have been a little loud because the room got pretty quite and she let out a little giggle like she was surprised at my enthusiastic response. Even though that conversation didn't go on much longer I felt a special connection with this nurse who I had never seen or talked to before and I probably will never see or talk to again. But I am glad she appreciates people, I kind of wish more people appreciated people.

--No more talk of darkness,
--Forget these wide-eyed fears
--I'm here, nothing can harm you
--my words will warm and calm you
--Let me be your freedom,
--let daylight dry your tears.
--I'm here with you, beside you,
--to guard you and to guide you...
--Say you love me every waking moment,
--turn my head with talk of summertime...
--Say you need me with you now and always...
--Promise me that all you say is true
--that's all I ask of you
--Let me be your shelter
--let me be your light
--You're safe, No one will find you
--your fears are far behind you...
--All I want is freedom,
--a world with no more night
--and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me...
--Then say you'll share with me
--one love, one lifetime
--let me lead you from your solitude
--Say you need me with you here, beside you...
--anywhere you go, let me go too
--Christine, that's all I ask of you...

DEFINE: cult, love, irony, culture, socialism, meme, internet, and hipster.

It is always a comfort to know that there are still geniuses in the world. Especially the geniuses who feed off emotion to fuel their genius. I am happy to love anything anybody creates as long as it means something... anything at all! I hope that my heart will feel the need to appreciate things that have a purpose, a meaning, a cause, a passion, so on and so forth.

I have realized lately that as a high school student, your maturity is changing evolving and becoming tangible very fast. The reason we look back at students younger than us is because we feel like we are so much older, like we have matured beyond their level. To outsiders or those seeking for a debate involving high conflict, seniors looking down on the classes below them is a prejudice and simply quite a rude thing to do because, "That was you last year!" is such a prominent statement. But just today I was looking back to just last year and thinking of things I used to do, think, participate in, and so on and I realized that I have greatly matured in my life. I have learned so many lessons in the past year that make me feel qualified to be bigger and better than classes lower than me, and I am not even a senior yet!
          My actions have changed tremendously. I no longer feel the need to bash every single assignment I get in class because I have decided its not worth the energy. My thoughts have changed in the sense that I feel like this year I have become more friendly and outgoing, and I was a little more shy and shut off last year. I also feel that through my past year of education I have reached the ability to go into a higher level of thinking about life, literature, media and more. My feelings have also matured tremendously. In fact, I think that is probably what has changed the most, I have begun to realize that flinging around my feelings is not important and that not very many people care anyway. And most importantly I feel different about the people around me. I feel like I am happy to have people, rather than be annoyed by every sound they make. In random conclusion, I am different this year. I feel mature and I feel like I have the right to be aware of that maturity. I know that I still have a very long way to go but I feel like this past year I have learned a lot, and ya... that is the end of that ramble.

I thought I would add a little something to the end of this. I got a car. It's a bug. It's red. His name is Lenny. That is all that needs to be documented here.

Trashing Plagiarism

I was immediately swept away. Saying swept away is quite a cliche as is pointing out your cliches but, by any means, swept I was. Swept not this round by love or by interest itself but by mystery. This type of mystery that led me to deep interest and filled me with unspeakable love. You know that something is powerful when it has the ability to change you. When that something takes your body and soul and removes it from existence. I have spoken of passion before and I have specified my particular passion for dance, but things have changed. I no longer have just a passion for dance. I have an obsession,  an addiction, an infatuation, a fixation for dance. I am enslaved by dance and it's power. I have been completely taken over by it. I spent the best weekend of my life, hands down ever, at a dance convention.

I spent the weekend in a frenzy of hard work and extreme passion. In a place where my whole body quaked with pain until the music restarted and I began to move in time with it's notes. I could not be more happy or proud of myself after this weekend and I wish it had never ended.

There are no other words to try and explain the amazingness of what happened to me this weekend. All I can really say to sum things up is I am changed, moved, inspired, and now motivated for life.

All had been said. The End.

Interested or Invested?

Mirror on the wall, here we are again. 

Through the rise and fall, you've been my only friend. 

You told me that they can't understand the man I am, 

so ill just lay here talking to myself again. 

ALERT:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2fpgpanZAw>
copy and paste this URL and go to it, now. 
Ok Go is this really cool band that deserves serious praise for their awesome music and incredible use of visuals. As soon as you watch one video you will end up browsing a lot of their songs and videos and fall in love!! They are genius! Truly though, I wish I was this creative. 


I CREDIT THIS IDEA TO MY FRIEND AUBSEYBABY... Thank you. 

This is a picture of me and my cousin Andrew reflected in a TV. When seeing our reflection he quickly stated, "Look Kristen! We are on TV!" so I told him we should take a picture and when we did he was the one who told me, "HEY! Make a funny face. These small things are the reason I love cousins. 

Ear. Pearl. Messy Hair. Late night Homework. 

 "Without you, tomorrows wouldn't be worth the wait and yesterday's wouldn't deserve remembering."

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace, the soul that knows it not, knows no real ease from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear, nor mountain heights where better joy can hear the sound of wings." - Amelia Earhart

"If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot you don't."

" 'How do you spell love?' Piglet asked. 'You don't spell it,' Pooh replied, 'You feel it.' "

"in these bodies we'll live in these bodies we'll die

where you invest your love, you invest your life"

 Have you ever been thinking about someone and they wonder if maybe they are thinking about you at the same time. Maybe you waltzed across their mind as they hit yours. Maybe they are making wishes that involve you while you are dreaming stories about them. Maybe they are smiling at memories you've shared while you are giggling at precious moments that have past. Maybe they are thinking about you, maybe they are not. Maybe they are wondering if you are thinking about them while you are wondering if they are thinking about you. Maybe... just maybe.. its just a huge circle of thought that runs around and around and around. Know we are thinking. :)

People, love them.
THE END.

Why Wear Cute Clothes? We Are in Disneyland!!

 2 Years is a lot like 24 months, similar to 104 weeks, and a close to 730 days. As the number get larger you realize that 730 days reminds you of 17,520 hours... kind of like 1,051,200 minutes and/or 63,072,000 seconds. Who knows how many breathes that is? How many times a heart might beat, how many times tears will fall, smiles will be worn, rage will be shed, wishes will be cast, letters will be written, words will be said, feelings will be hurt. How many of those 63,072,000 seconds will be spent in happiness? Sadness? Anger? Fear? How many of those 1,051,200 minutes will be spent loving? Kissing? Sharing? Eating? Praying? Cleaning? Listening? How many of those 17,520 hours will be spent working? Serving? Playing? Learning? Teaching? Caring? Hoping? Missing? How many of those 730 days will be spent advancing? Changing? Traveling? Evolving? How many of those 24 months will be spent in different seasons? Moving? Growing? Pretending? Being Real? Those two years can change a lot about a person.

If I was forced to choose one picture to sum up my Disneyland experience... this would be it, hands down. 

 Michael Jackson + Dancing + Singing + Crazy Costumes + 80's + Interesting Characters + Pure amazingness
CAPTAIN EO

 Thank you God for giving me good people. I honestly don't know how to explain how profoundly grateful and lucky I am to be surrounded by the most choice individuals on this earth. Not only did I get to spend some really great time in Disneyland with girls that just let me join their group... but I am also grateful for all my amazing continuing friendships. I hope they all know how much I love them and I can't wait to continue meeting new people because it is the best thing in the world.

"Hold it in, hold it in!" 

 Just try to make me more happy then I am right now. I dare you! In fact I would make a bet on that because I know it's impossible. How did I get so happy, what did I do to deserve this happiness.

Smiling as I write this.

The End.

The Answer is the Square Root of 3, Obviously.

{Brace Yourself for a Long One}

This post is going to be lengthly for a variety of reasons, (one) I haven't written for a while, (two) theres is lots on my mind, (three) everything I have heard and thought since the last time I wrote has been significantly blog worthy. So enough of talking why it's going to be lengthy... here it is.

 --"Lately I have been more and more depressed about school work. Besides the fact that I have absolutely no motivation to do it, when I go into a class to take a test, I feel like I know nothing. I am ever so amazed by how much I don't know about a subject I am being tested on. I feel like I am losing my educational drive to finish anything and I just want to quit school and move to a far away fairytale land where everything is perfect and no one has to work. All in all, I have an over bearing amount of work to do and no motivation to do it." - Written Yesterday- Now, today, I have everything done, and life is so much better. Way less stress.

 I think I have discovered something. I think what people need to realize is that everything, everyone, every story, every idea, every feeling, every everything is deeper than it seems. We walk around thinking we know things and really, we know nothing. This is why we have arguments, cruelties, and much more problems in this world, because everything is deeper than it seems and we, as humans, are not mature enough to handle it. Sometimes I wonder, what are we all doing here. It almost like we are all just running around like chickens with our heads cut off in a chaotic world full of so many things that are horrible. We all just conform to what seems best for us. What gives us our ideas and our thoughts and feelings. sure we learn, but where did the learning and ideas all begin? Where to our new ideas stem from? Everything is deep. Hard to think about.

 I don't like it when people take traditional logos and try to make them look more new age. It's unfortunate, for example, to go to disneyland and only find crazy colored & sparkled new characters splatted on every t-shirt you see. I would prefer a classic white, maybe gray, shirt with the original character stamped on the front. I have also seen this in my favorite I {heart} NY shirts. There are now new colors, fancier styles, new logos, and more to confuse the shopper and brainwash them into getting something "cute" instead of a classic. If that;s what they want, that's fine I guess. But for me, I prefer the classics, the simple originals are always my first choice.

[POEM]

Can we go out for a walk, 

even though it's getting dark, 

we can stroll around the park, till daylight come. 

I can teach you how to fly, 

we can sing and laugh and cry, 

to nieve to figure out why, we're so in love. 

Now that things aren't confusing, 

and nobody is still using, 

it is you I am choosing, and it's okay. 

With you here... Today. 

 "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with friendship." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You HAVE a body." - C.S. Lewis

"Society is constantly pulled away from important things by the superficial." - Mrs. VanOrden

"What do you have to wake up for?"

 I think that one of my desires in life is to be different. I haven't decided yet whether that desire is bad or good. My current decision on the issue is that the desire to be different is in that gray area between a bad and good desire. For I believe that no one is bad enough to be making a good decision to change themselves to total difference, and no one is good enough to be making a bad decision to switch to the bad side.. if that made any sense. I think that if we all have some desire to change somethings, particularly the bad things... that is overall a pretty good desire. So does this mean that because I want to change completely that I am overall a bad person, trying to change to be good? Maybe, but to me that is very debatable. Maybe my desire is to make my seemingly bad traits good and my pretty fair traits even fairer. I think that overall my desire to change those things is a good desire.

 Simple Puddles 
I feel a need to trust in you
and follow everything you do
to follow you out to the shore
and continue asking for just one more
to love until all light fades
then cherish items in summer haze
but what if feeling was never there
we were only driven by nothing to share
then maybe simplicity is just better
we don't always have to be together
I don't just want to waste my time
trying to hard to make a climb
so patiently I'll sit and wait 
and hope you ask before it's to late
the truth lies flat and still cold
like dark iron strong and bold
through we still haven't found that iron thing
we can still teach each other how to sing
and even when words increase in length
I will stand with precious strength
how I've stressed to many points 
and spent every of the worried coins
to end so soon seems hardly fair
but the question is, why would we care?


    

I love family, and as painful as they might be I also enjoy traditions. Our fruit basket tradition for example is a really great one. As much as I dislike all the assembly, and delivery and stress of the whole process, the whole idea of hanging out fruit for Christmas is really cool.

 "BUT I CAN'T! I'M JUST A TOW TRUCK!" 
-Mater
When I am reincarnated as a talking car, I am going to live in Radiator Springs and be best friends with Mater and Lightning McQueen, and marry the Volkswagen that sells organic oil. That's all I have to say about that.

 Human {TOUCH} :
Have you ever noticed that there is this little thing called {touch} that we all crave for. From brushing hands, arms, or shoulders to holding hands, to sleeping or crying on a shoulder. From comparing hands with someone to feel their warms hands. A high five or fist bump, cuddling, punching, patting on the back, wiping a tear or eyelash off a cheek. We all want to touch other humans to bond and even learn more about each other. 
{inspired by E.C.P.} 

 I THOUGHT ABOUT THE ALPHABET


Anytime that I think deeper
Butterflies fill my stomach
Carry on with hopeless
Daydreams and be
Evasive
For what will happen when dependence is
Gone. Sometimes
Happiness
Isn't far away. We can choose to 
Jump like a confused
Kangaroo. Then discover for yourself, what
Life is really al about. 
Many things may crowd your life but
No one is important as you.
Open your heart to new ideas and
Ponder
Quietly, what you must do. For
Real life isn't far away but 
Serenity is closer.
Time again comes to call. 
Underneath the bridge we will sit. 
Vent emotions in your own
Way and artificially play your 
Xylophone, for lack of words is all
You'll have. Take my life, acquire my 
Zeal and care for what you think. 

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
blossom in the trees you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

== Feeling Good - MUSE 

TO END SUCH A LONG ENTRY I WANT TO SAY A COUPLE MORE THINGS:

• Christmas is in 5 days
• I miss the simple younger days

BE REAL, 

Kristen 

THE END. 

I'm Checking

Sometimes, thoughts are confusing and tangled into a wild mess and you don't know how to put anything straight, at times like these you search for other thoughts and when you find those you depend on those thoughts to get you through the day. I credit most of these thoughts posted today to other people that I love and cherish. I love finding other thoughts because I believe that everyone has profoundly deep wisdom that they are just waiting to share with other people. You just have to reach out and talk to them and make them feel like their thoughts are worthwhile because they all are. 

Flowers from my secret sister on dance company, they are slightly wilted but still beautiful. 

"I wish I could just shed my skin, well, no, not my skin. I want to shed my thoughts and feelings. They're old and I'm tired of how they feel sitting in my head. I would just shed them and leave them to float away. Then I could find new things to put in my head and they would sit there until I got tired of them and shed all over again" - Elizabeth Caroline Peek 

My Jess made this out of shoelaces and I really quite enjoy it. 

"You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget."

"If you break little promises, you'll break big ones."

"Sometimes herons is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic."

I have always wanted a pet elephant so, upon seeing this picture, I smiled with great joy. 

"This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?" - Everything is Illuminated

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of al the lives I'm not living."

"Don't judge me until you know me, don't underestimate me until you challenge me and don't talk about me until you've talked to me..." - Anonymous

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going." - Practical Magic

This picture is totally cheesy, but sometimes I just like taking pictures of myself in my clean room wearing my Ferrari shirt. 

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumbled, its can't be perfect..."

Have you ever watched somethings, read something, or heard somethings inspiring? Something that gives you this peaceful feeling, and you get chills that reach up your arms and you feel tears in your eyes waiting to silently push past that slight barrier and escape onto your cheek. You feel like you want to be a new person and change everything you have ever done wrong, and learn and love everything and everyone. You fill like suddenly life will not be fulfilled until you have accomplished all the new goals that just rushed into your brain when you were inspired by one little something. I have a love-hate relationship with this feeling, somedays I love being inspired and I love expressing inspiration but there are sometimes where I just don't want to feel I just want to be the functioning machine I am everyday and I resent the feeling of being inspired by new thoughts and ideas. Recently it been more of the second choice, I have mostly just wanted to function and not have to think or feel or anything. I have to actually try to motivate myself to be motivated to do things. Its getting hard.

I love my sister. She is the best sister anyone could ask for because she loves me and is nice to me no matter what. 

 I love my English teacher this year. I feel like everything she says is absolutely profound. She has such a love for knowledge and an excitement for life that I so admire her for. Hearing her talk about literature is so interesting, I am amazed at her passion for things that before this year I didn't have any deeper thought for. I like how she has started the year with not teaching us just how to write, but how to think and bee great thinkers. She always tells us that in order to be great writers, we have to be good thinkers, and that is what I love about her. I have never been more excited to attend any class in school that I have been to attend english this year. I love it.

“I would but run away. Run away, perhaps today. Perhaps today I will. I will run away.” - Unknown