The Weeping Prince

"You can tell he is the bad guy because he smokes big fat cigars." - LK
"Just because you had something tragic happen to you doesn't mean you are a good public speaker." - ES
"I can buy it!!!! I have forty frikin dollars!" - JL
"Oh, I was expecting you to say something deep." - CM
"How do you get a severed limb when you are swimming?" - MJ

Sometimes moments happen and as soon as they occur you know that after that moment you will never be the same. There are a lot of life changing moments in a day, things that define you, shape you, create you,  but the events that make you sit back and think, My life will no longer be the same, are the truly mind blowing ones.

The other day someone told me they love how my mind works. What's that supposed to mean? How does my mind work. I mean I have noticed I am different from everybody else but... isn't everybody? I have always questioned how my mind works though. Sometimes I wonder why I over think and complicate everything. I also twist ideas and solutions like knots until they can't be untangled. I hardly forget anything and I am actually rather observant. Oh and here is a secret! Sometimes, when people tell me something they have already told me, I pretend they haven't told me before. I am not sure if that is for my benefit or for theirs but I usually remember what people tell me, especially when they are important to me.  And, my brain doesn't shut off. I am usually thinking of five things at once and I can tell you what you are saying to me even when I am thinking about something totally different. And if I have listened to a song once or twice, I have the majority of the lyrics memorized. I like my brain.

"If you love me, here's what I'll do...
I'll take care of you."

'Cuz My Family Won The Lottery and We Are Rolling in Money

That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you, I'd have a little trust
Am I an honest man and true
Have i been good to you at all
Oh I'm so tired of playing these games
We'd just be running down
The same old lines, the same old stories of
Breathless trains and, worn down glories
Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own

{I Will No Longer Start With "Sometimes"}

I wonder if my mind really controls my actions, my words, my feelings, my heart, my sounds, me movements, my decisions, and everything else. I feel like sometimes my body get on automatic pilot and just does what is does, my body thinks without my mind... if that makes any sense. You see my mind can over think everything, make a plan and try to carry it out and sometimes have great success because it takes over my body but sometimes my body thinks for itself. It takes over and controls it's movements by forgetting the over thinking and not considering the consequences. I am victim to my own body. Maybe what they say is true, you really can leave the decisions up to your heart instead of your mind. 

Then there are those times where you have a total out of body experience and pretty much just throw reason out the window and just go for it. Today for instance, I was dancing, which is when a lot of these out of body experiences occur, and I forgot there were other people in the room, I forgot that I was in an audition, I forgot that I was trying to impress people. It was almost like I had forgotten I was alive. Then all of this movement, this emotion, this feeling just kind of came out of me. Automatic Pilot. As much as I wish I could explain, I can't. To sum it up as best I can, its the feeling I get and then know that I am alive so I can create, so I can dance, so I can write, so I can love, so I can draw, so I can live, so i can be inspired, so I can share and so I can do everything I can do. That feeling is what keeps me going everyday, it's the reason I am alive. It's the only feeling I am really sure of and it is the best feeling in the world.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO QUESTION MYSELF!" 

 Today was very happy and slightly sad. 

Thanks for listening.    

Interested or Invested?

Mirror on the wall, here we are again. 

Through the rise and fall, you've been my only friend. 

You told me that they can't understand the man I am, 

so ill just lay here talking to myself again. 

ALERT:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2fpgpanZAw>
copy and paste this URL and go to it, now. 
Ok Go is this really cool band that deserves serious praise for their awesome music and incredible use of visuals. As soon as you watch one video you will end up browsing a lot of their songs and videos and fall in love!! They are genius! Truly though, I wish I was this creative. 


I CREDIT THIS IDEA TO MY FRIEND AUBSEYBABY... Thank you. 

This is a picture of me and my cousin Andrew reflected in a TV. When seeing our reflection he quickly stated, "Look Kristen! We are on TV!" so I told him we should take a picture and when we did he was the one who told me, "HEY! Make a funny face. These small things are the reason I love cousins. 

Ear. Pearl. Messy Hair. Late night Homework. 

 "Without you, tomorrows wouldn't be worth the wait and yesterday's wouldn't deserve remembering."

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace, the soul that knows it not, knows no real ease from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear, nor mountain heights where better joy can hear the sound of wings." - Amelia Earhart

"If you don't know what you want, you will end up with a lot you don't."

" 'How do you spell love?' Piglet asked. 'You don't spell it,' Pooh replied, 'You feel it.' "

"in these bodies we'll live in these bodies we'll die

where you invest your love, you invest your life"

 Have you ever been thinking about someone and they wonder if maybe they are thinking about you at the same time. Maybe you waltzed across their mind as they hit yours. Maybe they are making wishes that involve you while you are dreaming stories about them. Maybe they are smiling at memories you've shared while you are giggling at precious moments that have past. Maybe they are thinking about you, maybe they are not. Maybe they are wondering if you are thinking about them while you are wondering if they are thinking about you. Maybe... just maybe.. its just a huge circle of thought that runs around and around and around. Know we are thinking. :)

People, love them.
THE END.

It's Hard to Argue With 5-Year-Olds

When you try your best but you don't succeed.

When you get what you want but not what you need.

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. 

Stuck in reverse. 

And the tears come streaming down your face. 

When you lose something that you can't replace. 

When you love someone but it goes to waste... 

Could it be worse. 

LIGHTS WILL GUIDE YOU HOME.

AND IGNITE YOUR BONES. 

AND I WILL TRY... TO FIX YOU. 

Maybe we've reached the mountain peak, and there's no more left to climb. 

Maybe we've lost the magic piece and we're both to blind to find. 

Let's start over, lets give love their wings. 

Let's start over, stop fighting 'bout the same old things. 

Let's start over, we can't let out good love die. 

Maybe we can, start over, give love another life. 

Thank God you blew it, thank god I dodged the bullet

I'm so over you,
so baby good looking' out.
I wanted you bad,
I'm so through with that,
'Cuz honestly you turned out to be the, best thing I never had.
You turned out to be the, best thing I never had.
And I'm gonna always be the, best thing you never had.

I hate jealousy. I hate the feeling so much, but sometimes, you just can't help it. In all honesty though, being jealous is the worst feeling you could ever feel. Worse then plain sadness, worse than anger, worse than regret, worse then confusion, worse then heartbreak, worse then hatred. Maybe it is worse then these feelings because jealousy really is all those feeling combined, it isn't just one particular thing to be angry at, or one particular thing to be sad about. You literally feel sad, mad, confused, heartbroken, hated, hate towards other, regretful, all together. That is probably why jealousy is so uncomfortable. 

Pretending So Hard Not to Easily Care

Sometimes I pretend not to remember things people tell me when they repeat them over again. 

Sometimes I like it when people use my name when they talk to me. 

Sometimes dancing full out is all you can do because half your effort just isn't enough. 

Sometimes getting texts from people I love makes my day improve by 100%. 

Sometimes I like being in charge even though it is stressful. 

Sometimes I wish that I was a more forward, frank, honest person rather than secretive and reserved. 

Sometimes the biggest difference in my life is made by complete strangers. 

"I appreciate the person who picked me up from school today with carrots, pretzels, fruit snacks, and Diet Dr Pepper for me to eat and drink, and then drove me to dance and then taught me things you can't learn in school and then congratulated me for working hard and giving things all I have got. The person that has always been there, even when all others seem to be walking away, the person who cares about what you have to say and isn't just pretending. The person that talks to you just for fun and texts you because they love you, not just because they need something from you. The person that knows when things are wrong even when I am denying them myself. The person who I consider to be my best friend, because they deserve the title. Thank you person, wherever you are." 

Through the years we had it all

Midnight whispers, the midday calls
This house of cards, it had to fall
And you ask for forgiveness
You’re asking too much
I have sheltered my heart in a place you can’t touch
Don’t believe when you tell me your love is real
Because you don’t know much about heaven boy
If you have to hurt to feel

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can't breathe
So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

 There are some feeling that are impossible to write or talk about. Writing and talking seems like such great forms of expressing one's self but, in reality, there are some things you just can't say and you just can't write. I tend to be full of these feelings, and that's why I dance. That is why writing and talking will never be enough for me, I love to write out what I am thinking and I love to say all I can say when I talk to people but I need dance to tell the things that need to be told but can't be told any other way. Even if no one listens and I am dancing on my own, I still get my point across to at least myself. When people do watch however, I don't just want them to get my message and hear my story, but I want them to listen to their own stories and I want to help them be brave enough to tell. Through dance, music, a laugh, a tear, a walk, a silence, a sport, a blink, a whistle, I wish everyone luck in finding their own way to tell their feelings, their stories. I can't express in words the feeling dance gives me, I'm not a perfect dancer and I am not even close to the best. I am not extremely flexible, I and not world renowned, but I don't need that stuff, all I need is dance itself, the feeling just dancing gives me is worth all those things combined.

I might love life, and my day today, just a little bit. 

The Answer is the Square Root of 3, Obviously.

{Brace Yourself for a Long One}

This post is going to be lengthly for a variety of reasons, (one) I haven't written for a while, (two) theres is lots on my mind, (three) everything I have heard and thought since the last time I wrote has been significantly blog worthy. So enough of talking why it's going to be lengthy... here it is.

 --"Lately I have been more and more depressed about school work. Besides the fact that I have absolutely no motivation to do it, when I go into a class to take a test, I feel like I know nothing. I am ever so amazed by how much I don't know about a subject I am being tested on. I feel like I am losing my educational drive to finish anything and I just want to quit school and move to a far away fairytale land where everything is perfect and no one has to work. All in all, I have an over bearing amount of work to do and no motivation to do it." - Written Yesterday- Now, today, I have everything done, and life is so much better. Way less stress.

 I think I have discovered something. I think what people need to realize is that everything, everyone, every story, every idea, every feeling, every everything is deeper than it seems. We walk around thinking we know things and really, we know nothing. This is why we have arguments, cruelties, and much more problems in this world, because everything is deeper than it seems and we, as humans, are not mature enough to handle it. Sometimes I wonder, what are we all doing here. It almost like we are all just running around like chickens with our heads cut off in a chaotic world full of so many things that are horrible. We all just conform to what seems best for us. What gives us our ideas and our thoughts and feelings. sure we learn, but where did the learning and ideas all begin? Where to our new ideas stem from? Everything is deep. Hard to think about.

 I don't like it when people take traditional logos and try to make them look more new age. It's unfortunate, for example, to go to disneyland and only find crazy colored & sparkled new characters splatted on every t-shirt you see. I would prefer a classic white, maybe gray, shirt with the original character stamped on the front. I have also seen this in my favorite I {heart} NY shirts. There are now new colors, fancier styles, new logos, and more to confuse the shopper and brainwash them into getting something "cute" instead of a classic. If that;s what they want, that's fine I guess. But for me, I prefer the classics, the simple originals are always my first choice.

[POEM]

Can we go out for a walk, 

even though it's getting dark, 

we can stroll around the park, till daylight come. 

I can teach you how to fly, 

we can sing and laugh and cry, 

to nieve to figure out why, we're so in love. 

Now that things aren't confusing, 

and nobody is still using, 

it is you I am choosing, and it's okay. 

With you here... Today. 

 "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with friendship." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You HAVE a body." - C.S. Lewis

"Society is constantly pulled away from important things by the superficial." - Mrs. VanOrden

"What do you have to wake up for?"

 I think that one of my desires in life is to be different. I haven't decided yet whether that desire is bad or good. My current decision on the issue is that the desire to be different is in that gray area between a bad and good desire. For I believe that no one is bad enough to be making a good decision to change themselves to total difference, and no one is good enough to be making a bad decision to switch to the bad side.. if that made any sense. I think that if we all have some desire to change somethings, particularly the bad things... that is overall a pretty good desire. So does this mean that because I want to change completely that I am overall a bad person, trying to change to be good? Maybe, but to me that is very debatable. Maybe my desire is to make my seemingly bad traits good and my pretty fair traits even fairer. I think that overall my desire to change those things is a good desire.

 Simple Puddles 
I feel a need to trust in you
and follow everything you do
to follow you out to the shore
and continue asking for just one more
to love until all light fades
then cherish items in summer haze
but what if feeling was never there
we were only driven by nothing to share
then maybe simplicity is just better
we don't always have to be together
I don't just want to waste my time
trying to hard to make a climb
so patiently I'll sit and wait 
and hope you ask before it's to late
the truth lies flat and still cold
like dark iron strong and bold
through we still haven't found that iron thing
we can still teach each other how to sing
and even when words increase in length
I will stand with precious strength
how I've stressed to many points 
and spent every of the worried coins
to end so soon seems hardly fair
but the question is, why would we care?


    

I love family, and as painful as they might be I also enjoy traditions. Our fruit basket tradition for example is a really great one. As much as I dislike all the assembly, and delivery and stress of the whole process, the whole idea of hanging out fruit for Christmas is really cool.

 "BUT I CAN'T! I'M JUST A TOW TRUCK!" 
-Mater
When I am reincarnated as a talking car, I am going to live in Radiator Springs and be best friends with Mater and Lightning McQueen, and marry the Volkswagen that sells organic oil. That's all I have to say about that.

 Human {TOUCH} :
Have you ever noticed that there is this little thing called {touch} that we all crave for. From brushing hands, arms, or shoulders to holding hands, to sleeping or crying on a shoulder. From comparing hands with someone to feel their warms hands. A high five or fist bump, cuddling, punching, patting on the back, wiping a tear or eyelash off a cheek. We all want to touch other humans to bond and even learn more about each other. 
{inspired by E.C.P.} 

 I THOUGHT ABOUT THE ALPHABET


Anytime that I think deeper
Butterflies fill my stomach
Carry on with hopeless
Daydreams and be
Evasive
For what will happen when dependence is
Gone. Sometimes
Happiness
Isn't far away. We can choose to 
Jump like a confused
Kangaroo. Then discover for yourself, what
Life is really al about. 
Many things may crowd your life but
No one is important as you.
Open your heart to new ideas and
Ponder
Quietly, what you must do. For
Real life isn't far away but 
Serenity is closer.
Time again comes to call. 
Underneath the bridge we will sit. 
Vent emotions in your own
Way and artificially play your 
Xylophone, for lack of words is all
You'll have. Take my life, acquire my 
Zeal and care for what you think. 

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
blossom in the trees you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

== Feeling Good - MUSE 

TO END SUCH A LONG ENTRY I WANT TO SAY A COUPLE MORE THINGS:

• Christmas is in 5 days
• I miss the simple younger days

BE REAL, 

Kristen 

THE END. 

Ponder Yourself

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with his success unexpected in common hours."-Henry David Thoreau

I wish that this was me, I want to hold this many huge balloons at once, maybe even more... so I could fly away.

Lately all I have wanted to be is a Princess who lived in the fairytale world of dragons and princes and high towers, I wouldn't even mind being locked in a high tower for a while with a wicked witch climbing up my long gorgeous hair everyday if I eventually had a prince come and save me, as long as I had the long gorgeous hair and I eventually got the price charming of my dreams. It is time for fairytales to be real. I am ready.

 Do you ever feel like you are sitting in a chair a lot like this one and staring at a wall slightly like this? Do you feel like you are constantly searching for something more and you just can't seem to see anything but white? And you just can't seem to find anything of real importance in the wall before you but you are still inspired by the way it looks. I am not sure if I know what I am trying to get at here, but I like this picture.

 "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." 
- Bible: Ecclesiastes

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own."
-Benjamin Disraeli

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."
-Goethe

"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."
- Cicero

Sometimes I think about doing my homework, which is a step in the right direction, then I start to reason with myself and think of all the possibilities I have of maybe getting out of doing it. Then I think of what I want to do with my life, and how failing high school is not a good way to start my future with brightness... then I do my homework. And life stays nice. 

I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet
But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!
When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing gets better


Belting Adele like nothing else matters in life but the sound of your voice usually helps you feel a lot better about things. Singing so loud you feel like you are going to go deaf from your own sound waves is the best way to do it as well. There aren't very many artists that you can listen to their songs and feel like belting their songs is the best thing to do. I always feel like this with Adele, I sang through bother her albums twice today while doing homework and it was great. 

I'm Flying Away to Nevereverland

I feel very happy in this moment

It happened, I went snowboarding. It was the best moment in my life, well maybe not the very best but it is now very high on my happy day list. I needed this day, I took the ACT this morning which was slightly uneventful and kinda boring but it was way better and went faster than I thought, and I think my essay was actually really good. Then, even though I only went for two hours... snowboarding was all I needed to help me feel perfect today. I am so happy, I can't even explain the good feeling that comes with this amazing feeling of perfectness. I literally felt like I was flying while riding the slopes today, it didn't matter that there wasn't very much snow or that it was pretty darn icy all that mattered is that I was there and I made it to my perfect little place up at Sundance and I got to do something that I absolutely love. {Quote}: If I died snowboarding, you could honestly tell everyone that I died happy. - Jeremy London

My gangster boy. 

So, when you are going snowboarding for the first time of the season... you have to pick the perfect person to go with you. Even though the choice was slightly forced at first I realized that I wouldn't have picked a better person to be with today. Justin is amazing, I told him today that I lucked out in the little brother department. Which couldn't be more true. When god put our family together I am almost sure he was thinking... "I am going to give Kristen the most perfect little brother who will always be there to love and snowboard with when life gets crazy." I am infinitely grateful that thought he had and I am glad he followed through. It hard to describe Justin sometimes, when you just want to ride the lift up the mountain in total silence and not feel burdened because your not saying anything or feel like you have to talk about random things, you want to ride the lift with him. We honestly had a ride up the whole mountain without saying anything but, "Second stop right," and "Ya." It was so perfect, I love him so much, I hope he knows it.

Justin is just a Boss Gangster in his spare time, yes, you should be jealous.  

These are our cool faces... I know. 

{A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.}
{A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.}

Mohandas Gandhi

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Sometimes I wish that people wouldn't constantly misinterpret peoples motives. I also wish people would stop trying to think they always know what's best for me. I acknowledge the fact that sometimes, they might know what would be the best decision for me to make and they think that they are just protecting me but I feel like I need to just decide things for myself, and overall... be myself and not what everyone else seems to want me to be. Maybe I will find that I am not a bad incomplete person when I am just myself I have just needed to let it out. 

{{{{{I feel like this post is slightly inconsistent with my normal removal of self I am when I write on this blog, but I don't really care I feel like it needed kind of a change.}}}}} 

To End: 

100 Things I am Grateful for this Holiday Season: {In no specific order, and notice things not people, they will not be included in this list... refer to my list a couple weeks ago.}

1. My Soul, spirit, life, body and self. (K fine, but that's the only person.)
2. Dance
3. Snowboarding
4. Music
5. Psychology Class
6. English Class
7. T-shirts 
8. Jeans
9. Socks
10. Sweatshirts
11. Guitars
12. Thoughts
13. Diet Dr. Pepper
14. Crunchwrap Supremes
15. Sour Punch Straws
16. Computers
17. iPhones
18. Showers and Tubs
19. Television
20. Radio
21. Cars
22. Heating
23. Blankets
24. Pencils
25. Paper
26. Crayons
27. Pianos
28. Shoes
29. Hair
30. Christmas Eve's
31. Romantic Comedies
32. Superheros
33. Grocery Stores
34. Houses
35. Turkey
36. Fruit
37. Bread
38. Scary Movies
39. Sting Rays
40. Board Games
41. Blanket Octopuses
42. Oceans
43. Nature
44. Secret Places
45. Nights
46. Boats
47. Lakes
48. Vacations
49. Feelings
50. Emotions
51. Art
52. Paint
53. Earrings
54. Necklaces
55. Books
56. Thoughts
57. Toys
58. Ideas
59. Flowers
60. ...another person type thing... Old People
61. Balloons
62. Opposition
63. Challenge
64. Goals
65. Sparkles
66. Costumes
67. Sun
68. Moon
69. Stars
70. Internet
71. Laptops
72. Clocks
73. Whiteboards
74. Thrift stores
75. New York
76. California
77. Beaches
78. Big Cities
79. Higher Education
80. Personal Heroes 
81. Snow
82. Rain
83. Overcast Days
84. Candles
85. Keyboards
86. Presents
87. Being Childlike
88. Pictures
89. Cameras
90. Scissors
91. Crafts
92. Colors
93. Smells
94. Eyes
95. Ears
96. Smiles
97. Places
98. Worlds
99. Antiques
100. And you know what, I am going to end with people, even though I said this was things, I am grateful for people, everyone that is around us and what they contribute to the world. I love everyone and I am grateful for everyone. EVERYONE. 

There are many more things, I could probably go on forever there are so many things that are in this world. These are just a few things that I pulled off the top of my head right now. 

THE END. 

Written by Kristen. Long post.